A few days ago we had a discussion in this space on zoos, circuses and bullfights. Researching for more material I came across this disturbing video and write up here and here.

As for fights using animals it is another horror story - read about it here.
Please visit PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) to learn about the cruelties inflicted on animals for the amusement of humans.
As the banner line on one of the sites says:
"Please say "No" because Animals cant!"

As you come out of the Bannerghatta national park in Bangalore there is an enclosure which says: The most dangerous animal.You step in and you see yourself a mirror.May be it is true.

Can Woman exercise all the professions as Man?

It was Simone de beauvoir who said "one is not born a woman.One becomes a Woman."("On ne nait pas femme, on le devient") When I read it first I was about 20 and I interpreted it to mean that through cultivated behaviour and training which makes her gentle, charming and beautiful she flowers into a woman. I thought it was a positive thing to do train oneself and become that kind of woman. Little did i realise that it was precisely this that Simone was criticising - the conditioning which makes a person forget her personhood and become the role of a woman in its various forms - the subtle process of objectification by which she becomes something useful and acceptable for a man to have and showcase.

In the past 50 years women have demonstrated that they are equally skilled when it comes to professions which require mental and emotional skills. The balance is tilted more towards the male of the race where it comes to professions requiring physical strength. There are people who argue that a woman is not designed to do as much physical labour. I am not sure if this is true. I have seen that women who work in fields have a lot of physical strength and energy. Our body gets adapted to the kind of work we do. I have seen that if women work out with weights they develop atheletic arms .Perhaps we have not trained our body to do the same kind of physical work that men have been traditionally doing and if we started doing them I think our physique would get adapted and we could become as efficient as them there too.

In this context I remember a placard I read in a news item covering a protest by women in France which said: "There is no Housework Gene!"("Le gène du ménage n’existe pas") I guess that goes for any kind of work. We are not genetically incapable of doing this or that but it is just the rules imposed by our mindset born out of generations of social conditioning.

What do you think - can Woman exercise all professions as Man?
(I am not asking if they should or not which is a different discussion altogether.)

Well , love is in the air once again whether you like it or not - red hearts, red roses and teddies with the request " be my valentine" adorn shop windows.
Culture police is getting active in some cities to protest this "assault" on our culture.

Tv channels and newspapers are stopping people on their way to their business demanding their opinion on whether V day should be celebrated. No one has ever asked for my opinion on such important issues so I decided to use this space to air my opinion.(All those India today polls on such important issues like religion, education, sex, government, corruption etc...no one has ever asked me or anyone known to me. Who is responding to these?? Why am I not included in the sample????!!!)

Anyway coming back to the main issue, should Valentine's day be celebrated?
I believe anything that increases the general happiness quotient among humanity is to be welcomed even if it is just the gift shop owners ROTFL on the way to the bank - I welcome it. If there are more people, young and old , feeling happy today because of feeling loved and feeling special or simply because of receiving gifts, it is totally welcome.

Is anyone listening?I am all for Valentine's day, the cards, the celebrations and yeah the gifts too....but not those red hearts please I find the sight of human organs slightly troubling. I feel nausea and no love when I see a red heart.What next? kidneys and intestines? Please don't mind, i'll pass those.... I'd rather stick with wine and chocolates and cards and music ( That was just in case anyone was wondering how to make me feel special!! I feel particularly special with a bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape or Inniskillin Ice wine..)I hope there is no age limit for celebrating this "festival"??! I have been told that I will be "18 till I die", so don't let my age deter you.

Happy Valentine's day to those who think it is important and for those who don't
a happy feb 14th -hope you have a great day!

P.s: This is a post I wrote for valentine's day last year. My views remain the same and my readers have changed so I reposted it so as not to let this important day go unposted!!

I know I have been distracted with dogs and cats and their names while I ought to have been studying. But I had a genuine reason for needing this distraction - I had classes over the weekend and on Sunday on the way to class I lost my purse with all my credit cards, debit cards and my driving licence and it has been stressful making sure everything is in order. yesterday, there was a bandh call in this state and I could finally sort out things only today. So now I can get back to more serious issues for the argumentation.

Are you for or against the idea of Zoos,Circuses and games like the Bullfight?

Those who know me here know my love for animals and hence my views are definitely onesided. I am totally against circuses.
How can there be genuine pleasure in watching tigers and lions behave like frightened cats in a circus? Why do we want bears and monkeys to cycle and elephants to perform? What makes people enjoy a behaviour that is so unnatural to a wild animal? What is it they admire - the ability of the man to control such a fierce animal? What makes them want to see the king of the forest quiver before the crack of the master's whip? What makes the lion afraid - the pain of punishment?
Do human beings have a secret urge to subdue the natural behaviour of other creatures or is it a desire to feel control over others who are strong in their own way? Some times I notice this tendency among parents,teachers and bosses - an inexplicable satisfaction of ego by controlling others through fear and not by exhibiting natural superiority through other qualities.I find them so pathetic.

As for Zoos, I guess they are ok. At least the animals are not forced to behave contrary to their nature. And as their habitat is being slowly destroyed and encroached upon by Man, this is the second best alternative possible and they serve an educational and social purpose too. As long as there is no abuse and they are fed well, I suppose it is acceptable. Even then the issue is that by keeping them in cages and depriving them of their natural activities and slowly making them incapable of hunting for their food are issues that make one feel uncomfortable.

As for games like Bullfight, Boxing etc, I simply cannot find bloodshed amusing. So I cannot see why we cannot get rid of them and turn to other sports.

As I said in the beginning I know my arguments are all on sided but this is where I need your help: please throw some light on the other side, if there is one.

Are you for or against the idea of Zoos,Circuses and games like the Bullfight?

Names, as I have said before, are, like the third variety of greatness that Shakespeare spoke of, "thrust upon you." Well in my school days i'd have liked to be Yamini, Kamini, Ragini or at least Nalini which would have allowed me to share my name with a favourite teacher. But no, my folks had decided that I'd be a Usha. They had a Ravi and Chander before and they probably decided to explore the space in-between and came up with Usha! Or may be it was just that every 3rd child was named Usha in my days and voilà, I was the third wasn't I? Anyway, by the time I was old enough and brave enough to go to the gazette and have a name change, I had achieved enough notoriety to go with this name that I did not want to lose this identity. So here I am and even for writing a blog I could not come up with a fascianting name like Hyperactive Amygdala or Synaptic Catharisis (or Cathartic Synapses) but had to be the plain Usha. This is what happens to you when you are stuck with a boring name for 45 years.

Well, why this rant about a name all of a sudden? Ok, that is because the daughter of lady who gets our clothes ironed came today with a dog in tow. What with my natural instinct for socialising with animals, I needed an introduction so I could chat up the dog and endear myself. So I asked her what the name was and she responded "Rosie". Nice name, better than usha for sure but I had a problem with it. I looked again at the said canine and I could see without any doubt that it was a male. Rosie for a male dog? In my mind this amounted to cruelty and I was about to call the SPCA.
Poor guy, to be called Rosie forever. I was reminded of all the Radhakrishnans and Sitaramans who end up being Radhas and Sitas. But at least the dog had no way of knowing that he had a cute, sissy name like "Rosie" so he responded to that name with absolute dignity as if he was being called Caesar!

Then I realised that most of the mongrels are called Raja or Jimmy or Blackie or Peter if they are male and Ramu (if they're Tamil) and most females of the species are Rosie or Jikki (djikki?). And if it was a pomeranian it was Julie. (in fact my maid thinks Julie is the name of the breed and calls all poms "julie Naayi").In one friends house they called out to "Lakshmi" and out came the canine bounding with joy! My shock was almost similar to the time when I heard so much about a Mittal with the same first name and was so proud of an Indian woman who produced most of the steel in the world and then saw the photo for the first time!

Anyway back to names of dogs
Aren't the bigger pedigree dogs mostly Caesars and Cleos?and sometimes a Bruno if they are brown. Calling call them Tiger shows total ignorance that the real Tiger is a Big cat.Lassie became a common name for golden retrievers after the film and its endearing lead star. Spotty and Puppy and dolly are perhaps the least imaginative.Our colony has some of the dogs with most original names. Our own Sabapathy doesnt qualify for entry here because we "borrowed the idea" from the Tamil Film Sati Leelavathi. So here are the prize winners:
A daschund called Brandy
A Labrador called Pepsi
Another labrador called Random
A terrier called Bayroz
A mongrel called Biscuit ( pronounced Biscoot)
And Shib's dog Shadow ( She wanted to call it Kempe Gowda's shadow - even better!)
Two boxers called Kaaju and Badam who belong to our friends, the Sens.

I was terribly annoyed when I saw these cutest little pups of the world (Pug pups - ya same dog as in the HUTCH ad)at the Alliance Francaise the other day and guess what they decided to call them - Micky and Minnie. Can you believe it - MICKY and MINNIE!!! What is wrong with these people? I was so angry all of that day.

Anyway what would you like to call the Hutch Pug if he was yours? I will probably call him Karma or Carma, if I want to sound French!
(His/ her real name is Cheeka.)

(And ya, warning: I WILL judge you by the name you give your dog!)

Can media be totally neutral?

At first sight I found the question totally ridiculous as in my opinion, all media is ethically bound to be non-partisan and simply report facts. Well if it is that simple why is it that we have so many versions of news and why is there a following for each of them?

Why is it people snigger about the dull news reports from the government owned channels when all it does is present the news like it is: without any frills? We used to hear a lot of jokes about the dull and over cautious reporting by the newspaper The Hindu published from Chennai. It used to be said that even if an accident happened outside their office they would publish it only on PTI confirmation. And sports enthusiasts laugh about the "keen contest on the cards" predicted for every single match by the paper.

So it seems that while we complain about sensationalism of news by the media we seem to secretly encourage it too by subscribing to these channels, although not necessarily to their point of view. We like to shift channels between Jaya and Sun or NDTV and CNN- IBN to see what each has to say about an issue. We not only like to know the details of a statement by Musharraff or Manmohan Singh but we want to have an analysis of each, the interpretation of their body language and the elaboration of hidden meanings behind these statements. And when you get opinions from people belonging to different ideologies, it is bound to reflect in their opinion however erudite it is. There are so many channels just for News and every channel has a viewership - obviously they cannot all survive if they all said the same thing? What is it about the general public that makes them want to view these channels?

So in this context, is it possible for a newspaper to be totally loyal only to truth?
(like the Independent and the character depicted by Mithun Chakraborty so well in the film GURU where the criterion for publication of a news item is only that it is true.)

And in these days of grey, is there plain black and white in anything, particularly in politics? So what is more possible is that they do not publish or say something completely untrue or totally speculative. But even that seems to be acceptable in some cases as in the recent Cauvery tribunal announcement where the Television channels were constantly speculating and predicting violence in the state of Karnataka. Like preventive detection, they seem to be giving preventive cautions on what might happen based on previous trends rather than wait for something to happen and then report it without exaggeration.

Additionally, when media depends on its revenue from advertisement, is there not a kind of pressure on them not to be too harsh on their patrons?
As readers and viewers we are also happy to be exposed to different views and anlyses as it expands our thinking and presents diverse view points.The channels are obviously under pressure to grab the viewers with the result that the boundary line between reportage and entertainment is blurring.

Is is possible for media to be totally neutral in today's context? And even if it is possible, should it be neutral or should it take a stand?

"Should a couple tell each other everything?"
Is it important for a happy life together that the couple discuss and share everything?

When we were growing up, we had not seen much of discussion between my father and mother. My mother was aware of the general information on where my father was going what he did and how much of money he could provide for the family, what annoyed him and what made him happy. The details were never known.Sometimes when he asked her opinion on whether she was ok with a certain decision of his she invariably said "ya. whatever you decide." It was almost the same among our aunts and uncles too. When we were growing up there were a few times we resented this and when we questioned our mother on our father's decision and if she could tell us the reasons why he did something. The answer was always, "I dont know his reasons for doing this but I am sure he has his reasons and they are good."
Total surrender of one's life to the other and implicit acceptance of his decisons and reasons. What was at the base of this? Complete understanding and unquestioning love? or was it total submission to male dominance? I can't answer for her and she is not around. But it worked at that time and they were married for many many years.
I have also known families where the men left most of the day to day decisions to their wife or mother and were quite happy to be rid of quotidian headaches and did not even want to hear about what the women did.

Can it work today?
At least among most of the couples I know decisions are not taken unilaterally, the stronger person tends to have their way but a discussion is always there.And when something is left unsaid, it is usually for a reason - not to hurt the other or scare the other person. And usually what is not discussed is a source of a lot of trouble and in some cases severe conflict.
I know some of my friends who even use a common ID for their personal mails. Is this an indication of total openness? Doesn"t it also amount to sacrifice of personal space or are personal spaces redundant and meaningless once they are married? Is there also a sense of insecurity at the base of this need to be together all the time, to share everything, to tell each other everything? Or is it just the done thing and that's it!

Is it important for the happiness of a couple that they share everything?

P.s: I received a comment once where someone called me a trouble maker - hahah. But honestly, my intention is not to create any trouble. I seriously want other points of view for the argumentation.

Do you think one day Science will find a cure for all diseases?
One of the many questions I have been thinking about these past days. in case you are wondering why I ponder over such serious issues all of a sudden, it is because "Science and human progress" is one of the many subjects on which I may be asked to write an essay or make an argumentation about in my forthcoming French examination - Fourthcoming is more like it as the exams are on the 4th.
As my head was getting more and more muddled with issues relating to culture, society, science and economics I got a brilliant idea - why not ask the question here and take your views and use it all in my essay!
So here I ask the first of the questions:
"Do you think one day Science will find a cure for all diseases?"
And here's what I think about it:
While it is a desired goal to alleviate humanity of all suffering from diseases, what happens if all diseases are curable and humanity becomes immortal? Would the earth be able to sustain the population levels and would we have enough resources to go around? Would we then have to impose restraints on new babies being born? Wouldn't Earth then become a planet of very old people or would a body free from all diseases remain young forever?
On another level, when there is no death to fear, would we be motivated to make the best use of this life? Or would a kind of inertia set in as we know we have "forever' to do everything. What happens if we get bored with living forever? There is no escape route right - no hope of dying! So would we have schemes like a person could opt for death so that a new baby can be sanctioned to the family - someone would be allowed to bear a child or clone someone?
Bizarre right? I guess nature knows its job best and that's why we come with a short life span - so that the population is regulated and it is recomposed every now and then with new life.
While it is necessary to find a cure for killer diseases like AIDS and Cancer that take away so many young people, perhaps it would be a good idea not to find a cure for at least the ones that affect us in old age.
Death is not such a bad idea when you are 100. What do you think?

P.s: A friend pointed out that disease is not the only cause of death. What about accidents and murders and natural calamities? I agree. but aren't these just a small proportion compared to deaths due to diseases and old age? As for the natural attrition of the body, we seem to be waging a war there too with anti-ageing solutions.(Like they say today's 60 is yesterday's 40 and so on...) So isn't disease still a major cause of death?
Or we would then kill each other waging war and fighting for the scarce resources?
And if we are anyway going to kill each other then why even bother to prolong life with finding cures for all diseases?

Most bloggers write in order to be read. When I started my blog, I had all of 6 readers and since the comment feature was not available then, they would respond to my post via email. And if I didnt hear from them 2 days after posting, I would forward the post by email and make sure that they read it! I never felt any sense of impropriety about it because I wanted their opinion on things I was writing about -I wanted their point of view. It just seemed like an online forum among friends. Then the comments feature came in and once in a way someone totally unknown would drop by and share their input and slowly a nice group of blog buddies started developing. - people who you know only through their blogs and their comments on yours; but how does their appearance matter when you know their souls through their writings? Perhaps these are people you will never meet but will always count among your friends. The wonder of Internet.

The purpose of this post is to carry forward a meme whereby each blogger identifies a few blogs which do not get as much readership as they deserve.
Bombay diaries has traced the course of this link-love and it landed at my blog door via Shruthi who was so kind as to mention me in her post. Since the best way to say thanks for such thoughtful acts is to carry forward the goodness, I decided to identify the bloggers who I feel don't get as much readership as they deserve.Ideally of course, I would actually like to list all the bloggers on my blogroute as they all write on such varied topics and deserve to be read. Scanning through the list, I saw that some of you have a good readership and some post very infrequently. So I am choosing just 5 from the list for specific mention:

Chennai Living: Ram Viswanathan writes on a variety of topics from travelogues to politics to tips to non-residents on issues involved in R2I( return to india).. He is very mature and balanced and extremely well informed on technology related issues.

The Rationalfool: Rational to the core and hardly a fool, he touches on social, political and scientific issues of great relevance. Very well researched and well written with links that lead you to interesting information and knowledge.

Mahadevan: I like the relaxed way in which he leads us down the lanes of a bygone era be it while drawing portraits of simple folk or while talking about the irani hotels of Mumbai.

Hiphopgrandmom: This college teacher is naturally worried about issues relating to youth and education and is always there with a positive post - nice pepper rasam for the soul. The mom and grandmom side of her touches on the social aspects relating to women and children. She spins beautiful posts based on her experience as a mom, teacher and an intelligent woman.

Hermitchords:I found him just 2 days ago and have been floored by his writing, his style, the use of words and the flow of thoughts.

Like I said before I'd like you to read all the bloggers on my link and if any of you feel like carrying forward this link-love, please do so on your blogs.

And my original 6 readers, where are you? I here by choose my own blog as my recommendation for you to read and if I don't hear from you in the next week, every one of the posts will be delivered to your mailbox, multiple times until you respond!!!

I believe in the value of moments.The right things said or done at the right moment have the magic of making the moment special. You miss it and the moment passes into the realm of banality.

Sometimes you lose your 5 seconds of attention by forgetting to say a brilliant, funny or caustic retort which comes to you,alas, 5 seconds too late. And you feel disappointed for having given away that moment. Had you said the right thing it would remain a moment of glory for you, which gets repeated on many occasions and generally gets a golden edge. The French call it the L'esprit de l'escalier (literally, staircase wit)
Once you have let it pass, you try to call them back or send them an email with the retort or remark, it is not the same. The effect is lost. The moment is gone. You had it in your grip a little while ago but now it is lost in thin air!And what we have is nothing but a regret for all that could have been.

Sometimes it is sadder when we think we have all the time in the world with people and forget to say how much they mean to us or how much we love them - parents for example. We take them for granted or wait to tell them how we feel and then it is all too late. You cant tell a departed person how much they mean to you and even if you roared your love from the top of a mountain it makes no difference when the one that needs to hear it is gone. Haven't we all lost a friendship or a love or a deal sometime or other because we did not say or do the right thing at that moment? But if we do seize the moment and do what needs to be done, the moment passes into a precious memory and gets immortalised. And the right thing said at the right moment may even transform somebody's life.

A lot of people say that they believe in living for the moment and what they mean is that Now is a time to enjoy, have fun - without worrying about the past or the future.This moment is real so go ahead and indulge fully. ("Eat, Drink and be merry for tomorrow you die!")But sadly that is precisely contrary to what being in the NOW is all about - it is about DOING NOW - giving your best NOW, being nice to people NOW and not wasting NOW because NOW is the only certainty in this very uncertain world.It is about living every moment fully and not letting it go waste.

While L'esprit de l'escalier may be true for a retort or a joke, there is always a good time for doing the nice things we want to do or say.As a chinese proverb says "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."
And that is true of almost everything that you want to do, have to do and need to do.

In the past few days I seem to have got a fair idea of what motivates a lot of human activities - it is boredom. People make friends,play, write, read, dance, sing, listen to music, get creative - all in an effort to avoid boredom. Technology has kept up with the need with innovative tools - Mp3 players, chatrooms, online games, mobile phones, cable television - super smart ways to beat boredom. A few friends admitted to staying in their jobs just to avoid boredom - they did not know what they'd do with all their time if they stopped working.And I was most amused when one couple said that they decided to have a baby as life was becoming "boring" - what a profound motivation for procreation!

Boredom is not all bad - imagine if our ancestors had not been bored with daal and rice would they have created all the delicious dishes that make our lives so worthwhile? Would they have gone about building ships and exploring other lands and cultures? While some festivals were intended as worship, several were also for overcoming collective boredom, the original versions of "party"ing and they also gave birth to other art foms like folk dance, music and folk art such as Rangoli, madhubani etc.As someone said "The life of the creative man is lead, directed and controlled by boredom. Avoiding boredom is one of our most important purposes."
It seems that those who fought boredom became artists and creators and those who learnt to accept boredom became Saints and philosophers!

According to the Wiki, boredom seems a recent phenomenon.Apparently "The first record of the word boredom is in the novel Bleak House, by Charles Dickens, written in 1852,[1] although the expression to be a bore had been used in the sense of "to be tiresome or dull" since 1768."

Does this mean that prior to 1768, people were not bored? No,I think what this means is that, prior to this time people didn't talk of or complain about boredom. If they were bored they went ahead and did something to overcome it - if they were rich and powerful, they invaded the neighbours or had gladiators thrown in the arena with lions or got some artists to perform music, dance etc or set crazy competitions to suitors of their daughters; if they were ordinary subjects they went out and hunted, danced, played or sang or spread some rumour about someone they hated.Modern day man, devoid of some of these "pleasant" diversions,seems to have problems "managing" boredom and sometimes extreme boredom can cause depression and performance related issues.

One of the important things I have understood about boredom is that it is something one has to learn to cope by oneself. There is only a certain extent upto which others can help us overcome boredom but ultimately it is for us to learn to improve our resources adequately to handle boredom. As we grow older, the ability to indulge in social activities reduces and the number of friends also gradually diminishes, the next generation is usually so busy with their life to care about spending time with older people. This is when the hours hang heavily and if we have not equipped ourselves to beat boredom, life can become a major burden.

The other day I was really really bored - so bored that I actually ventured into a chat room on books and literature. And what do I hear from Amanda_24? "Am totally bored. Can anyone do something to get me out of it?" At 24 she is so bored that she wants someone else to get her out of it - I wonder what will become of her and people like her (who are not resourceful enough to beat boredom when they are 24)n when they are 40, 50 or 60 when no one cares if she is bored or dead. It is a scary trend.
But then boredom is apparently only the second worst crime. The first is what I have just done in this post - being a bore!
But at least I am not bored any more!!!

Passerby wants me to talk about 10 things that define my style - Yes, Style, Ishtyle, stylu - you heard it right!People who know me in real life know that style and I dont belong in the same sentence, not even the same page but what the heck, I will invent one for myself now!

Folk music is what I closely identify with - simple, no artifice, demands no skills - anyone who knows it can join in or you can learn as you go and it gets better as more people join in. And the things it talks about are quotidien stuff - the simple joys and sorrows that we all experience and can talk about. There is no difference or distance between the artist and the audience - everyone sings, everyone listens. That is my style of blogging.

Hibiscus - a flower that is always there unlike those other flowers which are prettier and fragrant but seasonal. You can always count on it to be available anytime you need it. Doesn't mind when you reach for it only when a jasmine or rose isn't available. No one who comes looking goes away disappointed. That is my style with people.

Mirror - neither flattering nor unfairly critical. Just say it like it is. That is my style with friends - no wonder I have so few friends! (In truth,most of my friends and even people who I am not so intimate with, who confide in me and actually seek my advice!)

Fish out of water - that is my style in parties and places where there are more than 4 adults I don't know but am forced to hold a conversation with. It is a matter of life and death and many times I prefer death to making the effort to be charming to strangers.

Holi- unrestrained, colourful, happy and noisy - that is my style with kids. I am such a willing victim to their charms that a four year old knows how to make me cry and get away with whatever he/she wants!!

Shahrukh khan's performance - usually boring but occasional flashes of inspired brilliance - that's my style of cooking.

Himesh Reshammayya's voice - Keep off and best avoided!! Or be prepared to face consequences - That is my style when I am upset or when you have done something to offend me.

Water - Take the shape and colour of the container, blend with the dish without standing out - that's my style in a team. The result is more important than my personal identity.

Government departments - That is my style of managing my time. Everything known well in advance, no changes ordinarily permissible, stick to rules, totally routine and boring!

Wine - my style of growing old (I hope!!)- getting better with age and time, thankful for passing through the press and ageing in the oak.When I am 80, I hope I will have a wonderful story to tell that I am proud of and which everyone wants to have a taste of!

I guess it is time now to sign off in style:
“Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.”
-Gore Vidal.
NOw, THAT is EXACTLY MY STYLE!

"50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's, like, two million people on the planet. Now there's between five and six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? 'Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth's time. You know, so at best we're like these tiny fractions of people, you know, walking…I mean, is that why we're so scattered? You know, is that why we're all so specialized?:

Jesse (played by Ethan hawke) in the film Before Sunrise.

Interesting thought.What do you think?

I just received a mail from a friend wherein she wonders what I mean by "Practise random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty." This is a statement I picked up while browsing randomly for something and it made so much sense to me that I add it to my signature in my mails.

If you had ever been at the receiving end of a random act of kindness you would readily appreciate its significance, how it touches you so deeply that you want to be kind to someone else in return just to unburden the gratitude. One such instance happened when we were travelling in England and had gone to spend a few days at the Brockwood park School where some of our friends were teaching.That saturday afternoon we had heard that there was a house about 6 kms away with a few hundred year old thatched roof which was open for visitors. We caught a bus to the place and spent the afternoon there, enjoying the tea and cakes that were served but on our return there was no bus. Since the weather was fine and we did not have much choice, we decided to walk back hoping we may see a bus on the way. After about 1/2 km of walking, a car stopped near us. There were two ladies, in their 50s who asked us if they could drop us somewhere. When we mentioned Brockwood park, they said it was just a little deviation from their way. Since it was a small car, it was decided that the two ladies and the 2 boys would take the ride while the men would walk until they found a bus. So we got in, the ladies were very warm and kind and insisted that they drop us upto the school, never mind the extra mile.We loved the ride and the conversation and got off thanking them profusely. We were not expecting the men for a few hours yet but within about 30 mins there they were - apparently the ladies went back for them all the way after dropping us as they were pretty certain that there was going to be no bus that afternoon that way and dropped them to the school too - now That is really going "out of the way" to be nice to people whom you may never see again in your life. I cant explain how touched we were!
Just try doing something for someone when you are not expected or obliged to do and see how much happier you are doing it and how fulfilling it is spiritually.

As for senseless acts of beauty I remember a colleague of mine who would surprise us all with things like flowers on our table one fine monday morning - a single rose /gerbera or marigold in a glass. No particular reason but to put a smile on his colleague's faces. On some days it would be a small piece of paper with a funny quote and another time it would be a lollypop! Totally senseless but utterly beautiful and endearing.It was simply impossible to be angry or upset with anyone on these days - life seemed so beautiful!

It doesn't require great acts of heroism to make a difference. Small and uncalculating acts like these will do!

I meet them ever so often these days - Smart,qualified, witty, employed young women, extrovert, party animals - in short "eligible" in every sense but unmarried.Reason: they haven't come across the "right" man yet.Are their expectations very high? Do they want the looks of a Brad Pitt and the qualities of a Darcy and the wealth of Bill Gates preferably with the voice of Amitabh Bachchcan and the poetry of Neruda? Not really. They just want a man who shares their interests and respects their independence and is fun to be with.Or so they claim!
So I asked one of them if they mean to say that they haven't found any like that among all the men they meeet. She said that she hasn't actually had the opportunity to find out because none of the meetings has proceeded beyond meeting at parties and she doesn't want to make the first move and sound desperate unless she is sure that the other person has some interest in her! And I have a suspicion that the men are not making the first move precisely for the same reason. so you meet them everywhere - young, smart, qualified......eligible in every sense but unmarried!

So when I got the occasion to talk to a couple of young men, "eligible" and unattached, I asked him what the problem was, in order to get a male perspective.They said that the girls these days are great as friends but not so great as wives - they wanted everything and were not ready to make any compromises.

Probing further, this is what I understood.I dont mean to sound like one of those agency surveys which draw conclusions on sociological trends after interviewing 100 people, but I wondered if the root of the problem lay in the fact that in the past 50 years women have outgrown their traditional roles while men are still not ready to contribute as much to the domestic responsibilities. Is it to do with the mindset that acquiring the skills required around keeping house and managing children is a bit of a feminisation of the male which is considered a backward step for them while a woman moving into traditional male bastions is considered as a step forward for them? Even though the division of responsibilities between men and women started out without any value implications, the "women's territories" have acquired an implied inferiority over the years probably because they don't have the potential to bring any money to the family revenues. And so men do not see any value addition in acquiring these skills.Where possible they try to avoid it by outsourcing the service - cooking for example but there are certain responsibilities that one or the other spouse has to take on personally and it is still the woman who does it in the majority of the cases. And when some women rebel against this and question why it cant be the man who makes the career sacrifices for the sake of keeping the family together, men complain that these women want "everything" and don't give up anything!
But isn't it precisely what men have been doing all these years?

I do believe that definitions of marriage and family are up for major changes in the course of this century. The above issues are already a source of unhappy marriages and even divorces in some cases. And a lot of young people are nervous about making a the commitment to a married relationship - some say they are not marrying in order to avoid a divorce! Everyone wants more from relationships and are not willing to be restrained by societal norms in case they dont get what they want.

Good or bad, this is the reality. And like all generations, this generation will come up with its own solutions for these issues.And in the mean time,you meet them ever so often these days - Smart,qualified, witty, employed young women, extrovert, party animals - in short eligible in every sense but unmarried!

Just back from an "eventful" trip to chennai - "eventful" because these trips though invariably short are always fraught with some adventure or other.
I started my trip in a non-existent coach in a non-existent train leaving from an apparently non-existent platform( almost like the 9 3/4th!) My Iticket said that I had a berth in coach AS1 of chennai express leaving bangalore at 11:45. As I entered the station and looked at the electronic notice board I made my first unpleasant discovery of the night: there was no Chennai express that night- but there was a Cauvery express leaving at 11:45 to chennai! Investigations confirmed that this was the same train ( cauvery/chennai same difference??!) and I set about looking for platform no.5 -I am very strong in numbers upto 9 so I did not anticipate any trouble- but was a little taken aback to find platform no 6 after platform no.4 although the signboard seemed to say that 5 and 6 were in the same place. So anticipating some enginnering marvel, I descended to 6 and then realised that I had to reverse to platform no. 5 which did not have its own stairs to the overbridge. Having made 2 discoveries in one night, I thought the rest was easy - I just had to hop into coach AS1 and spread the mattress on seat no 49 and go to sleep. But after walking the entire length of the train I realised that this train had left Mysore without coach No AS1! Thankfully they added it in bangalore after making us all wait for about 30 minutes and finally around 12;30 I started my journey to chennai.

Every time there is a trip to chennai I plan my itenary days in advance and list out all the things I need to do there,the places and the people to visit. I am so excited about it all that I talk about the proposed trip to everyone I know. And finally I land in chennai and 30 mins on the road I start sweating and I want to take the next plane back to Bangalore. And I never do anything I plan to do, merely sit under one fan or other and come back. But this time the weather was lovely and I could do most of the things I wanted to do and in my happy state of mind I finally understood the reasons why I love this place so much.

People: people here are very friendly if you speak to them in Tamil and they engage total strangers in an animated conversation effortlessly. For example, within a short trip between the US consulate and Sterling Road the auto driver told me how tough his job was, how auto drivers are a maligned lot in Chennai, how the police are more corrupt and yet how he was sticking to this profession because it suited his temperament as he was over-sensitive and didnt like to be bossed over by someone else! He also told me that morality was on the decline with too much money in the hands of the younger generation.He said all this in such delightful Tamil, in a cheerful tone with no bitterness, added a few jokes and plenty of philosophical statements in-between -I guess I was happy to give him the 50 rupees for the conversation rather than the auto ride.
As I got off the auto there was this man who was releasing a rat from a rat trap on to the road. As I watched the rodent race past me, the man smiled and told me that he didn't like to kill them. I said that it may find its way back to his house and he said he had the trap to catch it again! Then he also told me that he had found the rat in the coffee flask when he returned from two days leave. We both laughed at the implied joke about a caffeine addicted rat! And all this with a guy who I don't know from Adam and won't recognise if I saw him again !!
These people have a way of touching you even when they have nothing to do with you - they are never shadows and silhouettes - even if you meet them for a fleeting moment in your life!

Sense of humour:I dont know if it is true of all chennaiites or just the people I meet - they all have a great sense of humour and a sense of timing for cracking jokes. They laugh about the most serious things.They love comedy in films and theatre, they enjoy it and they use it in their day to day lives.

Songs:I love all the music I hear everywhere in chennai - be it religious songs or carnatic music or film songs and their lyrics.

The fusion:And finally I love the way the old and the new co-exist so comfortably and blend beautifully. There is an early morning life with people flocking to the temples for margazhi pooja, and elaborate kolams decorating the roads and there is a night life in the multitude of restaurants that have cropped up all over the city. You see your neighbour's daughter zipping off on a two wheeler to her college clad in trousers and shirt and a day later you find her in the temple in a traditional pavadai daavani singing the notes of a carnatic song to perfection. And they look lovely in both and fit in perfectly in both places!

This place never ceases to amaze me!
I am happy to be back at home in Bangalore but I have already started looking forward to my next trip to fascinating chennai

Wish you all a very happy 2007!
Here's another new year - but do we always move forward every new year or are we held back by our past and its baggage? As a friend wrote in his new year wishes:
"The ability to leave the past behind is quite commendable, & I sincerely hope that you'll keep your resolutions... from interfering with who you are."

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?"
-Mary Manin Morrissey

Of course the dawn of a new year does not erase the past and bring a clean white sheet. But it is important to know what to keep from the past and what to let go. Keep the lessons, the experience and Let go of all the bad feelings ,all the hangups, all the frustrations. That will free the energy for positive stuff.

"All our life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you are not good enough or strong enough or talented enough;they will say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until all the no s become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly.
AND YOU WILL TELL THEM YES."
-Nike ad.

Declare this the year of "yes".Say "yes' to the challenges and all the opportunities.

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results."
-Anon

Will yourself to be happy, you will be happy, we all deserve to be!
Never stop dreaming or aiming higher - remember it is passion that makes the world go round. And never lose hope.

"When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly."
-Edward teller

Do not fear the unknown - look forward to being given the wings to fly!
Have a great new year. Remember all that you wanted to do in the "future" all these past years, that future is right here. And if you are not sure of the directions, just remember this:

Citius, Altius, Fortius (Faster, Higher, Stronger).

Have a great new year! make all your dreams come true!
And finally:
"Practise random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty." Relax, let go, be a little mad and have fun.

Finding these slippers at several locations in my house, in the past few months several perceptive observers have told me that two slippers are missing. Now what do you see? one right and one left? Does that make a pair - so why are all these people telling me that two slippers are missing and looking for another left and a right which never existed in the first place?
Ok this is the story. one of the blue straps broke and the shop didn't have another pair of blue straps so I got the beige. The seller said he would not fix the strap and I had to find a cobbler to do the same. Just a few months ago, in an effort to rid the footpaths of encroachment,the police had evacuated a number of unorganised business people in my neighbourhood which included the cobbler. So I decided to exercise my skills in removing the old one and fixing the new - only to realise that my scissors and screwdrivers were all wrong. (Ok, ok, we all know who blames his/her tools) Finally after about half an hour of hard work, I managed to fix the new strap on the one that had a broken strap. Since the other strap was as good as new, I just let it be deciding to use the spare one when the need arose. Did you know that there is no difference between left and right foot in the straps - you could use them for either! so it is all good, it is a win win. Except...
except that every now and then someone reports to me that 2 of the slippers are missing. Once , with a small child demanding "where is the other one?" and me showing the blue one and saying "this is the other one", the whole scene resembled a bizarre comedy scene in a Tamil film with a banana, and actors senthil and gaundarmani!
And I make people smile when they see this pair on my feet. They either think I am a little crazy ( which is true) or I am cheap ( which is not true) But until today, no one has looked at my feet when I am wearing them and said that either my left or my right foot is missing - at least not yet!

Such is our slavery to norms and conventions and traditions that even slight deviations are difficult to accept. For example, when I posted my 400th post 7 posts ago and told my son that it was a landmark post he vetoed it saying 400 is not a landmark, 500 is! Can you believe this ? How do you think 400 feels about it, being nice and round and divisible by 100 and yet not considered a landmark? Such discrimination and just because it can't protest being a number and all! So I decided to espouse the cause of these other suppressed numbers and I hereby declare this post, the 407th, a landmark post.

( I can hear the resounding applause. Thank you, thank you, thank you!). The next landmark will be 408!

In my youth, having been endowed with thick long tresses , it was always my secret passion to have short bobbed hair which was just becoming a fashion in madras - yes I am so old I actually grew up in good old "Madras" not the fashionable yuppy chennai. Now there were two problems with cutting my hair - my family would have disowned me and thrown me out of the house, even worse I might have offended the sentiments of the orthodox family members - a girl putting scissors to her hair was surely an inauspicious sign. Anyway having entered college in 1974 I had to do something to prove that I was a rebel too and in tune with the times of the golden seventies. But not having the means to afford a parlour, I asked my sister to cut my hair and she happily obliged one saturday afternoon under the stairs. And for many days therafter I never heard the end of it - some relatives, particularly my elder brother, thought I looked like a monkey, my friends bemoaned the loss of such "beautiful" hair which they would have given an arm and a leg to have and of course my grandmother thought that it was a sure sign of Kaliyuga and all the bad things that were to mark the end of the world.
Have you noticed that people tell you how beautiful your hair was only after it is lost - as if they never noticed it all the time it was on your head?
Once I was married to a man who didnt notice if I was totally bald or had my hair matted like a sadhu in Kailash, my adventures with the hairdressers began. The thing about most of these girls in the parlours is that they never suggest what will look good on you but will ask you what you want. After several attempts at imitating the hair styles of Madhuri Dixit and Dimple Kapadia and Shridevi with totally disastrous results, one day I acquired the Gyan (under a hairdresser's shears) that to look like them the hair style wasnt enough, you needed a beautiful face to go along!
So now I needed someone who would tell me what would go with my face - so someone suggested this fancy coiffeur ( when said in in french it looks very fashionable right? ya , that means a hairdresser) in a fancy 5 star parlour who was supposed to have magic hands. So I put my hair in his hands literally and came out looking like a famous personality - Michael Jackson! I had to live with that look until my hair grew back and for a year I stayed away from all parlours although I had to suffer comments from my so-called friends if there was a lot of rat problem in my house ( very funny!).
Finally just as I had found the right cut that looked dignified , I stopped working and hence decided to avoid the problems of maintaining short hair ( ya the shorter the hair , the higher the maintenance, in order to maintain the style), I let it grow anywhichway it liked and loved the freedom. Just like many other realisations that occur to you in your 40s, I realised that I should have let my hair as it was in my teens and that life would have been more peaceful. Oh, but what is life without youthful follies!
But then life is never peaceful - not for the wicked cursed by their grandmothers in their youth for their rebellion.. So slowly the problems started with hair receding on the forehead, and my "rich" experience was beginning to show in a sudden acquisition of a silver crown. People started saying "you looked younger with short hair". In stead of telling them and myself, " I was actually younger then remember?!"I started believing them. So like an addict reverting to her old habit, I went back to the parlour today hoping things would have changed.
Guess what? Somethings never change.
The lady with the scissors asked me what I wanted!
The old fool that I am, I showed the picture of Maharani Gayatri Devi in a magazine advertisement for diamonds.
Was that a suppressed smile on the coiffeuse's face or did I imagine it?

It was in March 2000 that this fellow crawled from under the gate into our house and our hearts. He was about 4 weeks old then and we loved his attitude to life, universe and everything which was expressed with a happy wag of his tail! We used to be in splits watching him handle our other dog, Munni, who was a big bully. Whenever she tried to pick on him, he would simply crawl out under the gate which would make her totally neurotic. She could not catch him as she was too big to follow him under the gate and out!! And whenever Munni had been upto some mischief, which was always, she would run and all we had to tell saba was to "catch Munni" which he would promptly do and hold her down- only he would let her off just as we were about to get her- the idiot!
He was a hit with every teenager ( whom he adored) and every adult who came to our house. Vaish never fails to enquire after saba in every mail from Boston even though she has met him just twice. In his opinion the major threats to society were people shorter than 3 ft ( yes, the children) and anyone who was dressed in rags or carried weapons of mass destruction ( such as crowbars and other digging implements).

He loved eating (a curd rice eating dog which led to anita calling him "Sabapathy Iyer". It was Anita who shot the picture above and to him she was the" pastry aunty" who brought expensive pastries from Sweet Chariot for him mainly and incidentally for us too. No wonder he jumped up to her full height every time he saw her.)
His other passion was drives in cars. He never believed in anti-dog policies about dogs staying back and guarding the house when the humans went out - he was the first to jump into the car. He believed it was his right. Here he is with "his car", wanting to go out barely a few hours before he fell terribly sick and never travelled in the new car which replaced this old one.

This afternoon Saba breathed his last after 36 hours of suffering - his body was continously shaking as a result of a nervous problem which he developed as a side- effect of his medication for epilepsy which we had started for him since March 2004. His epileptic attacks were one of the reasons I had stopped accepting assignments for work so that I could be around and ensure that he doesn't go unattended when he gets these sudden attacks. It has been a tough 33 months with severe attacks but we always hoped he would get better sooner or later which was not to be.
He is gone.
It is going to be scary being alone in this house, without his sensitive ears that monitor every little sound and warn me with a bark. This was a dog who was deluded that he was a detective - it was amusing to watch him scrutinise the plants and leaves every morning and the car tyres everytime they came from outside. Everyone entering the house was throughly sniffed for tell-tale smells of where you had been and what you had done. I dont think he was scared of anything - except diwali crackers which,in his opinion, were a sign of the world coming to an end. He had sound proof spot which he had identified in the house which we called his "bomb Shelter".


It is going to be tough not having his gaze follow me wherever I go - or perhaps he will, unseen, from his new resting place in our garden.
Thanks for giving us so much of your love Saba, I hope we gave you back at least a small proportion of it in return. Not that you would have minded if we fell short for it was you who taught us what "unconditional" love is.