I believe in the value of moments.The right things said or done at the right moment have the magic of making the moment special. You miss it and the moment passes into the realm of banality.

Sometimes you lose your 5 seconds of attention by forgetting to say a brilliant, funny or caustic retort which comes to you,alas, 5 seconds too late. And you feel disappointed for having given away that moment. Had you said the right thing it would remain a moment of glory for you, which gets repeated on many occasions and generally gets a golden edge. The French call it the L'esprit de l'escalier (literally, staircase wit)
Once you have let it pass, you try to call them back or send them an email with the retort or remark, it is not the same. The effect is lost. The moment is gone. You had it in your grip a little while ago but now it is lost in thin air!And what we have is nothing but a regret for all that could have been.

Sometimes it is sadder when we think we have all the time in the world with people and forget to say how much they mean to us or how much we love them - parents for example. We take them for granted or wait to tell them how we feel and then it is all too late. You cant tell a departed person how much they mean to you and even if you roared your love from the top of a mountain it makes no difference when the one that needs to hear it is gone. Haven't we all lost a friendship or a love or a deal sometime or other because we did not say or do the right thing at that moment? But if we do seize the moment and do what needs to be done, the moment passes into a precious memory and gets immortalised. And the right thing said at the right moment may even transform somebody's life.

A lot of people say that they believe in living for the moment and what they mean is that Now is a time to enjoy, have fun - without worrying about the past or the future.This moment is real so go ahead and indulge fully. ("Eat, Drink and be merry for tomorrow you die!")But sadly that is precisely contrary to what being in the NOW is all about - it is about DOING NOW - giving your best NOW, being nice to people NOW and not wasting NOW because NOW is the only certainty in this very uncertain world.It is about living every moment fully and not letting it go waste.

While L'esprit de l'escalier may be true for a retort or a joke, there is always a good time for doing the nice things we want to do or say.As a chinese proverb says "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."
And that is true of almost everything that you want to do, have to do and need to do.

In the past few days I seem to have got a fair idea of what motivates a lot of human activities - it is boredom. People make friends,play, write, read, dance, sing, listen to music, get creative - all in an effort to avoid boredom. Technology has kept up with the need with innovative tools - Mp3 players, chatrooms, online games, mobile phones, cable television - super smart ways to beat boredom. A few friends admitted to staying in their jobs just to avoid boredom - they did not know what they'd do with all their time if they stopped working.And I was most amused when one couple said that they decided to have a baby as life was becoming "boring" - what a profound motivation for procreation!

Boredom is not all bad - imagine if our ancestors had not been bored with daal and rice would they have created all the delicious dishes that make our lives so worthwhile? Would they have gone about building ships and exploring other lands and cultures? While some festivals were intended as worship, several were also for overcoming collective boredom, the original versions of "party"ing and they also gave birth to other art foms like folk dance, music and folk art such as Rangoli, madhubani etc.As someone said "The life of the creative man is lead, directed and controlled by boredom. Avoiding boredom is one of our most important purposes."
It seems that those who fought boredom became artists and creators and those who learnt to accept boredom became Saints and philosophers!

According to the Wiki, boredom seems a recent phenomenon.Apparently "The first record of the word boredom is in the novel Bleak House, by Charles Dickens, written in 1852,[1] although the expression to be a bore had been used in the sense of "to be tiresome or dull" since 1768."

Does this mean that prior to 1768, people were not bored? No,I think what this means is that, prior to this time people didn't talk of or complain about boredom. If they were bored they went ahead and did something to overcome it - if they were rich and powerful, they invaded the neighbours or had gladiators thrown in the arena with lions or got some artists to perform music, dance etc or set crazy competitions to suitors of their daughters; if they were ordinary subjects they went out and hunted, danced, played or sang or spread some rumour about someone they hated.Modern day man, devoid of some of these "pleasant" diversions,seems to have problems "managing" boredom and sometimes extreme boredom can cause depression and performance related issues.

One of the important things I have understood about boredom is that it is something one has to learn to cope by oneself. There is only a certain extent upto which others can help us overcome boredom but ultimately it is for us to learn to improve our resources adequately to handle boredom. As we grow older, the ability to indulge in social activities reduces and the number of friends also gradually diminishes, the next generation is usually so busy with their life to care about spending time with older people. This is when the hours hang heavily and if we have not equipped ourselves to beat boredom, life can become a major burden.

The other day I was really really bored - so bored that I actually ventured into a chat room on books and literature. And what do I hear from Amanda_24? "Am totally bored. Can anyone do something to get me out of it?" At 24 she is so bored that she wants someone else to get her out of it - I wonder what will become of her and people like her (who are not resourceful enough to beat boredom when they are 24)n when they are 40, 50 or 60 when no one cares if she is bored or dead. It is a scary trend.
But then boredom is apparently only the second worst crime. The first is what I have just done in this post - being a bore!
But at least I am not bored any more!!!

Passerby wants me to talk about 10 things that define my style - Yes, Style, Ishtyle, stylu - you heard it right!People who know me in real life know that style and I dont belong in the same sentence, not even the same page but what the heck, I will invent one for myself now!

Folk music is what I closely identify with - simple, no artifice, demands no skills - anyone who knows it can join in or you can learn as you go and it gets better as more people join in. And the things it talks about are quotidien stuff - the simple joys and sorrows that we all experience and can talk about. There is no difference or distance between the artist and the audience - everyone sings, everyone listens. That is my style of blogging.

Hibiscus - a flower that is always there unlike those other flowers which are prettier and fragrant but seasonal. You can always count on it to be available anytime you need it. Doesn't mind when you reach for it only when a jasmine or rose isn't available. No one who comes looking goes away disappointed. That is my style with people.

Mirror - neither flattering nor unfairly critical. Just say it like it is. That is my style with friends - no wonder I have so few friends! (In truth,most of my friends and even people who I am not so intimate with, who confide in me and actually seek my advice!)

Fish out of water - that is my style in parties and places where there are more than 4 adults I don't know but am forced to hold a conversation with. It is a matter of life and death and many times I prefer death to making the effort to be charming to strangers.

Holi- unrestrained, colourful, happy and noisy - that is my style with kids. I am such a willing victim to their charms that a four year old knows how to make me cry and get away with whatever he/she wants!!

Shahrukh khan's performance - usually boring but occasional flashes of inspired brilliance - that's my style of cooking.

Himesh Reshammayya's voice - Keep off and best avoided!! Or be prepared to face consequences - That is my style when I am upset or when you have done something to offend me.

Water - Take the shape and colour of the container, blend with the dish without standing out - that's my style in a team. The result is more important than my personal identity.

Government departments - That is my style of managing my time. Everything known well in advance, no changes ordinarily permissible, stick to rules, totally routine and boring!

Wine - my style of growing old (I hope!!)- getting better with age and time, thankful for passing through the press and ageing in the oak.When I am 80, I hope I will have a wonderful story to tell that I am proud of and which everyone wants to have a taste of!

I guess it is time now to sign off in style:
“Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.”
-Gore Vidal.
NOw, THAT is EXACTLY MY STYLE!

"50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's, like, two million people on the planet. Now there's between five and six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? 'Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth's time. You know, so at best we're like these tiny fractions of people, you know, walking…I mean, is that why we're so scattered? You know, is that why we're all so specialized?:

Jesse (played by Ethan hawke) in the film Before Sunrise.

Interesting thought.What do you think?

I just received a mail from a friend wherein she wonders what I mean by "Practise random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty." This is a statement I picked up while browsing randomly for something and it made so much sense to me that I add it to my signature in my mails.

If you had ever been at the receiving end of a random act of kindness you would readily appreciate its significance, how it touches you so deeply that you want to be kind to someone else in return just to unburden the gratitude. One such instance happened when we were travelling in England and had gone to spend a few days at the Brockwood park School where some of our friends were teaching.That saturday afternoon we had heard that there was a house about 6 kms away with a few hundred year old thatched roof which was open for visitors. We caught a bus to the place and spent the afternoon there, enjoying the tea and cakes that were served but on our return there was no bus. Since the weather was fine and we did not have much choice, we decided to walk back hoping we may see a bus on the way. After about 1/2 km of walking, a car stopped near us. There were two ladies, in their 50s who asked us if they could drop us somewhere. When we mentioned Brockwood park, they said it was just a little deviation from their way. Since it was a small car, it was decided that the two ladies and the 2 boys would take the ride while the men would walk until they found a bus. So we got in, the ladies were very warm and kind and insisted that they drop us upto the school, never mind the extra mile.We loved the ride and the conversation and got off thanking them profusely. We were not expecting the men for a few hours yet but within about 30 mins there they were - apparently the ladies went back for them all the way after dropping us as they were pretty certain that there was going to be no bus that afternoon that way and dropped them to the school too - now That is really going "out of the way" to be nice to people whom you may never see again in your life. I cant explain how touched we were!
Just try doing something for someone when you are not expected or obliged to do and see how much happier you are doing it and how fulfilling it is spiritually.

As for senseless acts of beauty I remember a colleague of mine who would surprise us all with things like flowers on our table one fine monday morning - a single rose /gerbera or marigold in a glass. No particular reason but to put a smile on his colleague's faces. On some days it would be a small piece of paper with a funny quote and another time it would be a lollypop! Totally senseless but utterly beautiful and endearing.It was simply impossible to be angry or upset with anyone on these days - life seemed so beautiful!

It doesn't require great acts of heroism to make a difference. Small and uncalculating acts like these will do!

I meet them ever so often these days - Smart,qualified, witty, employed young women, extrovert, party animals - in short "eligible" in every sense but unmarried.Reason: they haven't come across the "right" man yet.Are their expectations very high? Do they want the looks of a Brad Pitt and the qualities of a Darcy and the wealth of Bill Gates preferably with the voice of Amitabh Bachchcan and the poetry of Neruda? Not really. They just want a man who shares their interests and respects their independence and is fun to be with.Or so they claim!
So I asked one of them if they mean to say that they haven't found any like that among all the men they meeet. She said that she hasn't actually had the opportunity to find out because none of the meetings has proceeded beyond meeting at parties and she doesn't want to make the first move and sound desperate unless she is sure that the other person has some interest in her! And I have a suspicion that the men are not making the first move precisely for the same reason. so you meet them everywhere - young, smart, qualified......eligible in every sense but unmarried!

So when I got the occasion to talk to a couple of young men, "eligible" and unattached, I asked him what the problem was, in order to get a male perspective.They said that the girls these days are great as friends but not so great as wives - they wanted everything and were not ready to make any compromises.

Probing further, this is what I understood.I dont mean to sound like one of those agency surveys which draw conclusions on sociological trends after interviewing 100 people, but I wondered if the root of the problem lay in the fact that in the past 50 years women have outgrown their traditional roles while men are still not ready to contribute as much to the domestic responsibilities. Is it to do with the mindset that acquiring the skills required around keeping house and managing children is a bit of a feminisation of the male which is considered a backward step for them while a woman moving into traditional male bastions is considered as a step forward for them? Even though the division of responsibilities between men and women started out without any value implications, the "women's territories" have acquired an implied inferiority over the years probably because they don't have the potential to bring any money to the family revenues. And so men do not see any value addition in acquiring these skills.Where possible they try to avoid it by outsourcing the service - cooking for example but there are certain responsibilities that one or the other spouse has to take on personally and it is still the woman who does it in the majority of the cases. And when some women rebel against this and question why it cant be the man who makes the career sacrifices for the sake of keeping the family together, men complain that these women want "everything" and don't give up anything!
But isn't it precisely what men have been doing all these years?

I do believe that definitions of marriage and family are up for major changes in the course of this century. The above issues are already a source of unhappy marriages and even divorces in some cases. And a lot of young people are nervous about making a the commitment to a married relationship - some say they are not marrying in order to avoid a divorce! Everyone wants more from relationships and are not willing to be restrained by societal norms in case they dont get what they want.

Good or bad, this is the reality. And like all generations, this generation will come up with its own solutions for these issues.And in the mean time,you meet them ever so often these days - Smart,qualified, witty, employed young women, extrovert, party animals - in short eligible in every sense but unmarried!

Just back from an "eventful" trip to chennai - "eventful" because these trips though invariably short are always fraught with some adventure or other.
I started my trip in a non-existent coach in a non-existent train leaving from an apparently non-existent platform( almost like the 9 3/4th!) My Iticket said that I had a berth in coach AS1 of chennai express leaving bangalore at 11:45. As I entered the station and looked at the electronic notice board I made my first unpleasant discovery of the night: there was no Chennai express that night- but there was a Cauvery express leaving at 11:45 to chennai! Investigations confirmed that this was the same train ( cauvery/chennai same difference??!) and I set about looking for platform no.5 -I am very strong in numbers upto 9 so I did not anticipate any trouble- but was a little taken aback to find platform no 6 after platform no.4 although the signboard seemed to say that 5 and 6 were in the same place. So anticipating some enginnering marvel, I descended to 6 and then realised that I had to reverse to platform no. 5 which did not have its own stairs to the overbridge. Having made 2 discoveries in one night, I thought the rest was easy - I just had to hop into coach AS1 and spread the mattress on seat no 49 and go to sleep. But after walking the entire length of the train I realised that this train had left Mysore without coach No AS1! Thankfully they added it in bangalore after making us all wait for about 30 minutes and finally around 12;30 I started my journey to chennai.

Every time there is a trip to chennai I plan my itenary days in advance and list out all the things I need to do there,the places and the people to visit. I am so excited about it all that I talk about the proposed trip to everyone I know. And finally I land in chennai and 30 mins on the road I start sweating and I want to take the next plane back to Bangalore. And I never do anything I plan to do, merely sit under one fan or other and come back. But this time the weather was lovely and I could do most of the things I wanted to do and in my happy state of mind I finally understood the reasons why I love this place so much.

People: people here are very friendly if you speak to them in Tamil and they engage total strangers in an animated conversation effortlessly. For example, within a short trip between the US consulate and Sterling Road the auto driver told me how tough his job was, how auto drivers are a maligned lot in Chennai, how the police are more corrupt and yet how he was sticking to this profession because it suited his temperament as he was over-sensitive and didnt like to be bossed over by someone else! He also told me that morality was on the decline with too much money in the hands of the younger generation.He said all this in such delightful Tamil, in a cheerful tone with no bitterness, added a few jokes and plenty of philosophical statements in-between -I guess I was happy to give him the 50 rupees for the conversation rather than the auto ride.
As I got off the auto there was this man who was releasing a rat from a rat trap on to the road. As I watched the rodent race past me, the man smiled and told me that he didn't like to kill them. I said that it may find its way back to his house and he said he had the trap to catch it again! Then he also told me that he had found the rat in the coffee flask when he returned from two days leave. We both laughed at the implied joke about a caffeine addicted rat! And all this with a guy who I don't know from Adam and won't recognise if I saw him again !!
These people have a way of touching you even when they have nothing to do with you - they are never shadows and silhouettes - even if you meet them for a fleeting moment in your life!

Sense of humour:I dont know if it is true of all chennaiites or just the people I meet - they all have a great sense of humour and a sense of timing for cracking jokes. They laugh about the most serious things.They love comedy in films and theatre, they enjoy it and they use it in their day to day lives.

Songs:I love all the music I hear everywhere in chennai - be it religious songs or carnatic music or film songs and their lyrics.

The fusion:And finally I love the way the old and the new co-exist so comfortably and blend beautifully. There is an early morning life with people flocking to the temples for margazhi pooja, and elaborate kolams decorating the roads and there is a night life in the multitude of restaurants that have cropped up all over the city. You see your neighbour's daughter zipping off on a two wheeler to her college clad in trousers and shirt and a day later you find her in the temple in a traditional pavadai daavani singing the notes of a carnatic song to perfection. And they look lovely in both and fit in perfectly in both places!

This place never ceases to amaze me!
I am happy to be back at home in Bangalore but I have already started looking forward to my next trip to fascinating chennai

Wish you all a very happy 2007!
Here's another new year - but do we always move forward every new year or are we held back by our past and its baggage? As a friend wrote in his new year wishes:
"The ability to leave the past behind is quite commendable, & I sincerely hope that you'll keep your resolutions... from interfering with who you are."

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?"
-Mary Manin Morrissey

Of course the dawn of a new year does not erase the past and bring a clean white sheet. But it is important to know what to keep from the past and what to let go. Keep the lessons, the experience and Let go of all the bad feelings ,all the hangups, all the frustrations. That will free the energy for positive stuff.

"All our life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you are not good enough or strong enough or talented enough;they will say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until all the no s become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly.
AND YOU WILL TELL THEM YES."
-Nike ad.

Declare this the year of "yes".Say "yes' to the challenges and all the opportunities.

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results."
-Anon

Will yourself to be happy, you will be happy, we all deserve to be!
Never stop dreaming or aiming higher - remember it is passion that makes the world go round. And never lose hope.

"When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly."
-Edward teller

Do not fear the unknown - look forward to being given the wings to fly!
Have a great new year. Remember all that you wanted to do in the "future" all these past years, that future is right here. And if you are not sure of the directions, just remember this:

Citius, Altius, Fortius (Faster, Higher, Stronger).

Have a great new year! make all your dreams come true!
And finally:
"Practise random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty." Relax, let go, be a little mad and have fun.

Finding these slippers at several locations in my house, in the past few months several perceptive observers have told me that two slippers are missing. Now what do you see? one right and one left? Does that make a pair - so why are all these people telling me that two slippers are missing and looking for another left and a right which never existed in the first place?
Ok this is the story. one of the blue straps broke and the shop didn't have another pair of blue straps so I got the beige. The seller said he would not fix the strap and I had to find a cobbler to do the same. Just a few months ago, in an effort to rid the footpaths of encroachment,the police had evacuated a number of unorganised business people in my neighbourhood which included the cobbler. So I decided to exercise my skills in removing the old one and fixing the new - only to realise that my scissors and screwdrivers were all wrong. (Ok, ok, we all know who blames his/her tools) Finally after about half an hour of hard work, I managed to fix the new strap on the one that had a broken strap. Since the other strap was as good as new, I just let it be deciding to use the spare one when the need arose. Did you know that there is no difference between left and right foot in the straps - you could use them for either! so it is all good, it is a win win. Except...
except that every now and then someone reports to me that 2 of the slippers are missing. Once , with a small child demanding "where is the other one?" and me showing the blue one and saying "this is the other one", the whole scene resembled a bizarre comedy scene in a Tamil film with a banana, and actors senthil and gaundarmani!
And I make people smile when they see this pair on my feet. They either think I am a little crazy ( which is true) or I am cheap ( which is not true) But until today, no one has looked at my feet when I am wearing them and said that either my left or my right foot is missing - at least not yet!

Such is our slavery to norms and conventions and traditions that even slight deviations are difficult to accept. For example, when I posted my 400th post 7 posts ago and told my son that it was a landmark post he vetoed it saying 400 is not a landmark, 500 is! Can you believe this ? How do you think 400 feels about it, being nice and round and divisible by 100 and yet not considered a landmark? Such discrimination and just because it can't protest being a number and all! So I decided to espouse the cause of these other suppressed numbers and I hereby declare this post, the 407th, a landmark post.

( I can hear the resounding applause. Thank you, thank you, thank you!). The next landmark will be 408!

In my youth, having been endowed with thick long tresses , it was always my secret passion to have short bobbed hair which was just becoming a fashion in madras - yes I am so old I actually grew up in good old "Madras" not the fashionable yuppy chennai. Now there were two problems with cutting my hair - my family would have disowned me and thrown me out of the house, even worse I might have offended the sentiments of the orthodox family members - a girl putting scissors to her hair was surely an inauspicious sign. Anyway having entered college in 1974 I had to do something to prove that I was a rebel too and in tune with the times of the golden seventies. But not having the means to afford a parlour, I asked my sister to cut my hair and she happily obliged one saturday afternoon under the stairs. And for many days therafter I never heard the end of it - some relatives, particularly my elder brother, thought I looked like a monkey, my friends bemoaned the loss of such "beautiful" hair which they would have given an arm and a leg to have and of course my grandmother thought that it was a sure sign of Kaliyuga and all the bad things that were to mark the end of the world.
Have you noticed that people tell you how beautiful your hair was only after it is lost - as if they never noticed it all the time it was on your head?
Once I was married to a man who didnt notice if I was totally bald or had my hair matted like a sadhu in Kailash, my adventures with the hairdressers began. The thing about most of these girls in the parlours is that they never suggest what will look good on you but will ask you what you want. After several attempts at imitating the hair styles of Madhuri Dixit and Dimple Kapadia and Shridevi with totally disastrous results, one day I acquired the Gyan (under a hairdresser's shears) that to look like them the hair style wasnt enough, you needed a beautiful face to go along!
So now I needed someone who would tell me what would go with my face - so someone suggested this fancy coiffeur ( when said in in french it looks very fashionable right? ya , that means a hairdresser) in a fancy 5 star parlour who was supposed to have magic hands. So I put my hair in his hands literally and came out looking like a famous personality - Michael Jackson! I had to live with that look until my hair grew back and for a year I stayed away from all parlours although I had to suffer comments from my so-called friends if there was a lot of rat problem in my house ( very funny!).
Finally just as I had found the right cut that looked dignified , I stopped working and hence decided to avoid the problems of maintaining short hair ( ya the shorter the hair , the higher the maintenance, in order to maintain the style), I let it grow anywhichway it liked and loved the freedom. Just like many other realisations that occur to you in your 40s, I realised that I should have let my hair as it was in my teens and that life would have been more peaceful. Oh, but what is life without youthful follies!
But then life is never peaceful - not for the wicked cursed by their grandmothers in their youth for their rebellion.. So slowly the problems started with hair receding on the forehead, and my "rich" experience was beginning to show in a sudden acquisition of a silver crown. People started saying "you looked younger with short hair". In stead of telling them and myself, " I was actually younger then remember?!"I started believing them. So like an addict reverting to her old habit, I went back to the parlour today hoping things would have changed.
Guess what? Somethings never change.
The lady with the scissors asked me what I wanted!
The old fool that I am, I showed the picture of Maharani Gayatri Devi in a magazine advertisement for diamonds.
Was that a suppressed smile on the coiffeuse's face or did I imagine it?

It was in March 2000 that this fellow crawled from under the gate into our house and our hearts. He was about 4 weeks old then and we loved his attitude to life, universe and everything which was expressed with a happy wag of his tail! We used to be in splits watching him handle our other dog, Munni, who was a big bully. Whenever she tried to pick on him, he would simply crawl out under the gate which would make her totally neurotic. She could not catch him as she was too big to follow him under the gate and out!! And whenever Munni had been upto some mischief, which was always, she would run and all we had to tell saba was to "catch Munni" which he would promptly do and hold her down- only he would let her off just as we were about to get her- the idiot!
He was a hit with every teenager ( whom he adored) and every adult who came to our house. Vaish never fails to enquire after saba in every mail from Boston even though she has met him just twice. In his opinion the major threats to society were people shorter than 3 ft ( yes, the children) and anyone who was dressed in rags or carried weapons of mass destruction ( such as crowbars and other digging implements).

He loved eating (a curd rice eating dog which led to anita calling him "Sabapathy Iyer". It was Anita who shot the picture above and to him she was the" pastry aunty" who brought expensive pastries from Sweet Chariot for him mainly and incidentally for us too. No wonder he jumped up to her full height every time he saw her.)
His other passion was drives in cars. He never believed in anti-dog policies about dogs staying back and guarding the house when the humans went out - he was the first to jump into the car. He believed it was his right. Here he is with "his car", wanting to go out barely a few hours before he fell terribly sick and never travelled in the new car which replaced this old one.

This afternoon Saba breathed his last after 36 hours of suffering - his body was continously shaking as a result of a nervous problem which he developed as a side- effect of his medication for epilepsy which we had started for him since March 2004. His epileptic attacks were one of the reasons I had stopped accepting assignments for work so that I could be around and ensure that he doesn't go unattended when he gets these sudden attacks. It has been a tough 33 months with severe attacks but we always hoped he would get better sooner or later which was not to be.
He is gone.
It is going to be scary being alone in this house, without his sensitive ears that monitor every little sound and warn me with a bark. This was a dog who was deluded that he was a detective - it was amusing to watch him scrutinise the plants and leaves every morning and the car tyres everytime they came from outside. Everyone entering the house was throughly sniffed for tell-tale smells of where you had been and what you had done. I dont think he was scared of anything - except diwali crackers which,in his opinion, were a sign of the world coming to an end. He had sound proof spot which he had identified in the house which we called his "bomb Shelter".


It is going to be tough not having his gaze follow me wherever I go - or perhaps he will, unseen, from his new resting place in our garden.
Thanks for giving us so much of your love Saba, I hope we gave you back at least a small proportion of it in return. Not that you would have minded if we fell short for it was you who taught us what "unconditional" love is.

The dog and the little boy - both blissfully covered in mud as proof of enormous , unchecked fun that preceded the photo. Both totally accepting of themselves and each other, dirt and all. They just belong together so well in utterly comfortable bonding.
And what a joy it must have been to roll in mud not caring about one's clothes and hair and then posing for the photo with a totally Blasée "vee arr like this onlee" expression!
When I see the how happy kids are with animals, I believe that a boy or girl witout a dog is as lonely as a dog without a boy or a girl.

I chose the picture for the banner not only because of the "bonding" but also because it describes best the kind of person I am at heart!Yes, Vee arr also like this onlee.

I love towels - soft, fluffy,nice smelling towels. If they have a nice colour and prints even better.
I think the room rent in expensive hotels is completely justified just for the nice towels they stock. After all they must care a lot for the guest if they took such care with their towels and stocked them in different sizes, all clean and nicely folded. On checking in, some people check the view, some see if the aircon and TV work fine but I check the towels.If they are there, the more the better, and clean I fell comfortable and happy. Having a towel monogrammed with your initials - an ultimate sign that you have arrived. Burying your face in a thick fluffy towel smelling of detergent and warm from Sun drying - oh, Nirvana of sorts!

The pleasure of a nice warm bath can be completely ruined if the towel that comes at the end is not perfect - if it is damp or rough or too small. Or if it is the plain cotton functional towel that gets completely soaked with one rub leaving you totally cold. They are alright for wrapping around wet hair but not for the body. I keep a towel or two handy in my box just in case. I dont know much about the history of Turkey but I want to visit the place because I think the people who invented the turkish towels must have a great civilisation.

Whenever I am in big supermarkets in India or anywhere, the towels section is the one where you can find me. I can claim to have checked out the towels in about 12 countries around the world. In case this seems bizarre to any of you and if you are probably one of those who consider Them "just Towels", which are nothing but a piece of cloth to dry, I feel nothing but pity for you. I direct you to the following passage on the uses of a towel by my favorite writer Douglas Adams. Perhaps that might help dispel your ignorance and make you appreciate their value better!

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject of towels. A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an Interstellar Hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value—you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you—daft as a brush, but very, very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag [non-hitch hiker] discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchhiker might accidentally have 'lost'. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with."
(Douglas Adams.The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

On the day when the spaceship comes I will be ready to wave it down and hitch a ride as well as handle the perils during an intergalactic trip with my specially chosen towel. Will you be?

P.s: did you know that there is a day devoted for Towels - the Towel day? yes, and it is the 25th of May!

A friend sent me the link to a site containing videos of some easy-to-make recipes and when I opened the site I was struck by a particular link on”how to chop an onion.” The charming cook complete with white coat and all ( much in the manner of scientists performing complicated experments in a lab) explained the right manner to cut the onion: You had to cut the ends off and make a single slight cut and then take the peel off taking care of the soft skin in between which is very slippery ; Then you had to make vertical cuts all the way like the numbers on the clock ”like so” leaving it connected in one end and finally make the horizontal cuts to get those hundred nice pieces which can then be used in any sauce or marinate or anything. Very useful vegetable, he said. You can view it here.

I wonder what the intended audience of this video must have been doing all these days when they didn't have access to this video – coveting those luscious red onions in the supermarket and not knowing how to cut them and dropping them back in despair. Poor souls, now finally they can use them, now that the secret has finally been revealed to them in its tiniest detail. And they can even cook a dish when they have a map to the kitchen and access to videos on how to boil water and peel and steam potatoes etc.

This reminded me of another program on the BBC where the cook was explaining how to get shredded coconut. For all those uninitiated, here’s how: You put the coconut inside a plastic or cloth bag and hit it a few times with a hammer ( taking care not to hurt your fingers!!). Then take out the pieces and scoop out the white portion which can then be shredded in a food processor. Difficult but not impossible huh?

That is when I realised the number of complicated processes I was performing day in and day out without giving it a second thought since the time I was 7 when my mother just told me to cut the onions or shred coconuts without even giving me a specific demo or a “How to” manual.They were ruthless, moms of yore!

And then I decided to break down my daily cooking into all the tasks involved and came up with some hundred tasks on a normal day and many more on festive days.
My sister called me this afternoon and asked me what I did all morning and I took out my task list and started reading and I had not even got to number 10 when she stopped me and said “Ok, you cooked and then?”
Can you imagine? My mother's daughter that she is, she labels my 74 tasks (enough work for 20 videos) as just “cooking” and then expects me to do more too...I hope you understand how upset I am. Overworked and exhausted as I am, I needed to talk to someone who would sympathise and here I am!

Once on my return trip from colombo,I had a chatty neighbour.He was a businessman who regularly travelled overseas and had a lot of interesting stories to share.He decried how we had along way to go in changing our attitude to cleaniliness,politeness in conversation, punctuality, etc. He compared us to other countries which were much cleaner and friendlier even though they were behind us on several parameters such a higher education facilities and medical facilities. How Indians in Singapore respect rules of cleanliness but would spit at the airport the minute they landed in India. Blah, blah, blah.Things that one always hears from people who go abroad and return. I was smiling and nodding and mercifully it was a short flight. And of course I could see the truth in some of his criticism too.

Soon we landed in Bangalore and a minute after the seat belt sign was off my neighbour was already standing near the exit. In a flash he had got up,said a hurried goodbye,picked up his box from the overhead locker and made his way there so he could get out first and rush to the immigration counter and get out fast.It did not matter to him that in the seat before us there was a pregnant lady and in another there were couple with small children. How sensitive is that?

And this was the man who was critical of rudeness in people far less educated.I understand that our procedures take long and every minute's delay in deplaning adds 5 minutes to the wait in the immigration queue but isn't that precisely why persons with children, pregnant women and older people should be allowed to go first?
I was irritated with his behaviour as I always am after every air travel in India because people "always" behave like this. I can say "They" because I don't participate in this madness ever. Someone starts it and then everyone feels it is ok to follow. They're not guilty if they didn't start it.And it is the people who need to go first - the older people, the pregnant women, who stay in their seats as they cannot handle this mad scramble.

And the irony of it all is that our systems have a great way of levelling all this - I was secretly pleased when his checked-in luggage arrived late and hence we both left the terminal around the same time!I wish they would also have separate counters at the immigration for older people, people travelling with infants and pregnant women. I haven't been out of the country for a while now. Do they have them now?

Was reminded of this after reading Orchid's post here.I completely understand how she felt. And when I read this post by a foreigner visiting India,I felt ashamed but there doesn't seem to be much that one can do except not being part of such behaviour.

Everyone loves that Hutch advertisement with the Pig-like Pug and pug-like boy and that song"you and I...in this beautiful world." The message being conveyed with that dog purposefully following the kid is "wherever you go, our network follows you".It seems that most working people and young people want to be "in touch" even while having lunch at the restaurant at the end of the universe.

But to me all this network stalking and information gathering is getting a bit too much. Just read this claim by TESCO: "can you buy potatoes in a store and see potato recipes in your inbox when you get home? we are working on it." Now that is scary.
Already there are at least a few hundred computers which know my birthday, my marital status, my telephone numbers, banks where I hold account, my credit card details, the vehicles I own, whether I live in my own house. The service departments of a few companies know all their gadgets I own. The credit card department knows my shopping patterns.Gmail knows the contents of my mails so it can helpfully pop up sites with related subjects.

Oh btw, did you know the site meter on this blog tells me exactly what time you came in, what kind of search brought you here, how much time you spent here and the link you exited to from here? The fact is that you are no longer alone and whatever you do is being tracked by some equipment ready to share the information with any other computer partnering with it!And there are not even laws protecting our privacy in this country and even if we had laws, we know how "easy" it is to get them implemented in this country.

Just see the paradox. On the one hand we complain when our neighbours ask us personal details but we are comfortable allowing some strangers to have access to all our private information. We drive long distances to find a quiet romantic getaway but we leave our mobile phones switched on.I guess we are also fast heading towards the situation when husbands and wives don't tell each other what is wrong with their marriage out of politeness but go on network televison and say how his nose picking bothers her or how her body odour offends him.

I dont know about you, but it certainly irritates me when some strange guy on phone tells me it is time for me to change my car because it is 7 years old and already had so many service requirements this year and what parts had to be replaced or when my chemist lists out the medicines I bought in the past few months. I dont want some guy at some credit card department making my purchases into a pattern and drawing a curve of my buying behaviour. This is my life I say. Just why dont these guys let me lead my own the way I want and go get one of their own!

Dear,
Today I must end fifteen long years of association - an association linked with some of the happiest moments.You were initially intended for my sister but as fate would have it she was not interested and so we ended up together. We have shared many special moments. You have never refused money for any indulgence or fancy however wasteful it is and when money was short you have held out a card or two. Ever since you came into my life, I have never faced situations where I had to check my expenses or say 'no' to anything.

But in recent times your age is beginning to show, the wrinkles are tough to hide and much as we have tried it is impossible to revive you. The other day my sister gave me an ultimatum that if I was so sentimental about you she would do the needful to get rid of you.It seems that I really look quite pathetic when I go with you to the malls and other upmarket places. I have tried giving you a makeover but nothing seems to work, you do look worn out. People do look and in a negative way.

I always knew this was not forever and sooner or later I will have to find a replacement. I have been looking around for a while to find another just like you so i wont miss you so much but apparently they don't make them like you anymore. You are special, one of a kind. But the time has come , finally I must let go of you. I have finally accepted another to go with my altered circumstances and needs.

So my dear old wallet, it is goodbye time.










But you are only out of my handbag but will always remain with me forever in my memory chest along with my precious memories of happy times, like these flowers preserved in potpourri.

Ever so often every one of us goes through the "life sucks" moments.We cannot find a purpose to keep us going, a reason to smile or something that makes any sense for us to get up from bed and face yet another day. We forget the great blessing called "life" and how special we are to be the chosen ones to be endowed with the ability to appreciate it and value it.Have you ever thought about how rare life is? In the millions of planets in the universe, there are perhaps very few with life on it and as far as we know so far we are perhaps on the only planet that supports life and what more we are surrounded by so many forms of life to make it so beautiful, tasty and sweet smelling, a star studded roof and a moon to inspire poetry. Being here, just being alive is reason enough to feel "special". if you find other reasons it is a bonus.
Next time you need a reason to feel special just remember what evolutionary biologist and author of brillaint works like The Selfish Gene and The blind watchmaker Richard Dawkins says in this article:

"The origin of life on this planet — which means the origin of the first self-replicating molecule — is hard to study, because it (probably) only happened once, 4 billion years ago and under very different conditions from those with which we are familiar. We may never know how it happened. Unlike the ordinary evolutionary events that followed, it must have been a genuinely very improbable — in the sense of unpredictable — event: too improbable, perhaps, for chemists to reproduce it in the laboratory or even devise a plausible theory for what happened. This weirdly paradoxical conclusion — that a chemical account of the origin of life, in order to be plausible, has to be implausible — would follow if it were the case that life is extremely rare in the universe. And indeed we have never encountered any hint of extraterrestrial life, not even by radio — the circumstance that prompted Enrico Fermi's cry: "Where is everybody?"

"Suppose life's origin on a planet took place through a hugely improbable stroke of luck, so improbable that it happens on only one in a billion planets. The National Science Foundation would laugh at any chemist whose proposed research had only a one in a hundred chance of succeeding, let alone one in a billion. Yet, given that there are at least a billion billion planets in the universe, even such absurdly low odds as these will yield life on a billion planets. And — this is where the famous anthropic principle comes in — Earth has to be one of them, because here we are."

"If you set out in a spaceship to find the one planet in the galaxy that has life, the odds against your finding it would be so great that the task would be indistinguishable, in practice, from impossible. But if you are alive (as you manifestly are if you are about to step into a spaceship) you needn't bother to go looking for that one planet because, by definition, you are already standing on it."

So you see , how special we are, each one of us? Enjoy life while you have the chance!Celebrate this rare thing called LIFE.

Ali takes Zahera's shoes for mending but while attending to another chore the shoes get taken away by the Janitor who comes to collect the garbage from the shop. Money is tight in the family witha new baby's arrival and mother' sickness. So Ali who is 9 and Zahera who is about 6 decide to share Ali's shoes to school as their timings are different.But Zahera must run back after school to meet her waiting brother so he can wear the shoes and run to school. In spite of their best efforts, there are many days when Ali is delayed by a few minutes and has to face the wrath of the headmaster. Zahera's eyes constantly linger on the beautiful footwear of other children in school but she does not complain about the loss of shoes to her father as she knows and Ali tells that her father does not have the money for it. He tries to cheer his sister with gifts of his own pencil which his teacher presents him with for doing well in studies. Attracted by the third prize in a state running competition, which includes a pair of sneakers, Ali registers for the competition to run for the third prize. Wearing his worn out shoes he runs to keep up his promise to his sister of the new pair of sneakers but ina last minute confusion he ends up coming first. He is in tears while his eyes rest on he third prize even as he is being offered the first.
He comes home forlorn and upset and rests his tired and hurting feet in the pond where goldfish rush to soothe his feet.
He still doesn't know that his father is on his way with a new pair of shoes for him as well as his sister!

Bacheha-e-aasman (children of heaven) was the Iranian film nominated for the oscars in 1998 in the foreign film category but lost to another all time great "Life is beautiful" But it won several other awards.
A touching performance by the two adorable kids and a story told very beautifully.A family where money may be short but certainly rich in the warmth of emotions and care and love.
Although the film does not show the childrens' joy when they receive the new shoes, we know how much I would mean to them. Unfortunately this is a joy that children from affluent families no longer know - that is the problem of plenty. One does not know the value of something as simple as a new pair of shoes!

or to delight in a simple soap bubble while washing the shoes!







Or the joy of doing something for someone else:

Whenever people have mentioned differences between the youth of 70s and the youth of today, I have maintained a smug cheerfulness as I have never faced a problem understanding their view point or relating to them as a friend. I have often wondered if they are so mature as to relate at my level or whether I stopped growing at somelevel after my 20s. The first time I felt a basic difference was yesterday.

I went out for lunch with a group of friends in their 20s and 30s and after lunch they were planning some other activity while I was getting ready to go back home. So one of them asked me why was I rushing back home and if there was a particular reason. For a minute I did not understand the question at all because for me staying out of the house needs a reason and being home is a natural state.One went out for a purpose and stayed home when there was no need to be out. I think that applies to most people in my generation. When I saw the puzzled look on their faces, I realised that perhaps they would rather be out exploring all that is happening or meeting people when they had no pressing compulsions to be home!No wonder they manage to accomplish so much in a day. Is it also because their working week is so packed and leaves them little time to catch up on their hobbies and socialising and so the weekend is too precious to be wasted at home?

Now that is a huge difference in thinking and a different way of living - when did all this happen? Felt like Rip Van Winkle for a moment!