Reporters without borders is an organisation dedicated to the defence of press freedom. It condemns any infringement and restrictions imposed of freedom of press worldwide as well as protects journalists from attacks, threat and persecution for doing their work.
You can read more about them and their activities here
One of my blogger friends had requested me to publish information regarding an international cyber demo that RSF has called for. If you'd like to participate and support the cause of freedom of expression through freedom of Internet here are the details. I quote the following from the mail received:

"Reporters Without Borders is fighting to reduce the use of censorship and to oppose laws designed to restrict press freedom. 13countries have been singled out by Reporters Without Borders fora 24-hour online protest against Internet censorship.
Where: www.rsf.org
When : 11 A.M. on 7 November to 11 A.M. on 8 November
The defence of online free expression and the fate of bloggers in repressive countries concern everyone. SoReporters Without Borders is offering Internet users tools to campaign against Internet predators and is calling on them to participate in an INTERNATIONAL CYBER-DEMO.
Everyone is invited to support this struggle by connecting to the Reporters Without Borders website (www.rsf.org) between 11 a.m. (Paris time) on Tuesday,7 November, and 11 a.m. on Wednesday, 8 November.Each click will help to change the "Internet Black
Holes" map and help to combat censorship. As many people as possible must participate so that this operation Can be a success and have an impact on those governments that try to seal off what is meant to be a space where people can express themselves freely.
Protests will also be staged by Reporters Without Borders bureaux around the world to condemn Internet censorship and ethical misconduct of the Internet giants when operating in one of these countries."

Please spread the word around and participate in the protest if you believe in the fundamental right of all humans to express freely what they think.

Yahoo has a time capsule at this site.You can post your views,photos,drawings or just about anything. you have only 13 more days to contribute after which the capsule closes and will re-open only on yahoo’s 25 th anniversary.
I assume that the capsule would be opened in 2020 or 2021.

What is the one thing that might be of interest to someone who might open it then? Something that might have vanished from the world between now and 2020? Not much and even if there were to be drastic political and social changes, the youth of today would still be there to remember today and impart a sembalnce of continuity.
But if one were to think of 100 years from now, what aspects of today's life would engage the curiosity of a young person in 2110?

Religion? Would people still practise religions and fight in the name of God? Would they believe in God and prayers? Would they still have festivals and holidays?

Governments? Would they still be voting people to power and be powerless to hold them accountable for their actions? Would they still subject themselves to misery as a result of the policies and laws which their "representatives" frame "for" them? Would there still be borders and disputes over them?

Wild life? Would they still be able to see Tigers and peacocks and elephants?

Kitchens and cooking? Would they have kitchens in the house and would they still be cooking their own food? Would they know the meaning of terms like "saute", "baste", "marinate" "soak overnight"?

Marriage? Would the institution of marriage still survive? Would they know what family meant for the previous generations? Would they believe that it was possible for people to stay in a relationship for prolonged periods?

Paper money?

Distinctions between rich and poor, men and women, upper and lower castes?

Astrology and numerology?

If you were to write something for a time capsule to be opened in 2110, what would that be about?

It is tough when someone close to you is hurting. It is even tougher when they choose you to be the person in whom they confide their pain and suffering. There are times when you can muster nothing more than " I know how you feel" or "I am sure there is a grander design in all this and when you are out of this immediate pain and suffering, you might even be thankful that this happened this way" or some such lame platitude. You know that the other person looks up to you for a solution which you don't have nor are capable of thinking up one. You do want to help but feel powerless as there is no single formula for successful relationships. I found myself in this unfortunate situation recently and was quite happy to serendipitiously find some sound advice on the issue of "Letting go of Love" in this article. Ironically, the author is someone I had seen on the Oprah Winfrey show while surfing channels.I had always found it disconcerting that couples would choose to go and discuss their marital conflicts publicly with strangers aware of being watched by millions across the world. But I did find his advice on this issue quite sensible and useful. It helped me help my young friend see exactly what she needed to see. There is usually a tendency to excessiviely romanticise break-ups (influence of films? Devdas syndrome?)in such situations but this article takes the romance out and knocks some sense which is the best way to handle such situations. You can read the full article here.

Here are some excerpts:
"Are your standards too low? .."What is it about you that causes you to settle for somebody that you know will cheat on you, know will lie to you, know will make a commitment and then break it? What is it about you that you believe about yourself that you're willing to settle for that?" Recognize that you're settling and that you deserve more. Set a higher standard for yourself."

"Does he really even make you happy? (...) "There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things. And then you're back with them for about 10 minutes and you go 'Oh yeah! Now I remember why I hate you!'" Don't kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past."

"Don't wait around because you think he's going to change. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so the chance that he's going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim. (...) "To the extent that there's some history, you don't have to speculate, you just have to measure."

"Ask yourself: Are you hiding in the relationship so you don't have to face the reality of being on your own? Don't stay with someone because it's comfortable and safe. It may seem more secure, but it's not healthy for you and it certainly won't help you get to a better place."

"If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it."

"Don't invest more than you can afford to lose. While it's important to move forward, you need to take things one step at a time. Don't put so much out there that you'll be emotionally bankrupt if things go south."

"Listen to what he's saying. If he's telling you that you want different things out of life and there's no way you can work as a couple, don't turn his words around into what you want to hear."

"There's a 50/50 chance a marriage is going to work if both people are head over heels in love, passionate and willing to climb the mountain, swim the river and slay the dragon to get to each other. That's with everybody crazy in love and running toward each other in that field that we see in the commercials. The problem you've got here is he's running the other way in the field! So if it's 50/50 when you're running toward each other, what do you think it is when the other person is running out of the field and hiding in the woods?"

After reading the Statistic above, whenever I look around and see people in successful relationships for long periods I begin to wonder if successful marriages are really "made in heaven"!

Artnavy wrote a nice post of her younger self interviewing the present person she is and suggested that I do a similar one with my 25 year old self. I loved the suggestion and thought about my aspirations and dreams as a 25 year old (U25) and how far I (me) had come by way of realising them. Reproducing our bizarre (has to be where it concerns me and there is not just one but two of me here) conversation below:

U25:(giggling away...)Hi, how goes?

Me: Excuse me! Could you stop giggling and exactly what is it that you want to know?

U25: My! My! We do have a short fuse dont we?

Me: I'd assume that at 25 you would have stopped giggling. Remember you are the mother of a 3 year old now and wife of a professor?

U25:You really thought all this would make a difference to me? I guess I will be just like this even when I am 40, even when I am 80 ( not that I want to live so long!)

Me: (Buries face in hand in total despair!)You do talk 19 to the dozen, dont you? cant you respond to a simple question with a simple answer? What kind of a role model are you going to be to that sweet little boy of yours?

U25:I hope I will be a good friend to him and let him live his life according to his choice. Of course I will try to give him the right set of values but not make his decisions for him. And if he ever makes a wrong choice and is in trouble, would be able to support him without being judgemental.You know as Gibran says, "Give them your love but not your thoughts."

Me:That is the first time you said something sensible. great, and I see that little boy has grown up to be just fine (may be in spite of you). As for that quote when will you stop being such an insufferable showoff, quoting all the time. I thought you were done with that when you completed your degree in Literature and moved on to Public administration.

U25:(giggles uncontrollably)I hope I will remember all this and go to my grave quoting Shakespeare:
"And, when he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of Heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night And pay no worship to the garish sun."

Me:(in total despair)God forbid! And may be it is just as well that I suffer from such a loss of memory that I can hardly quote now without googling. (You can't do anything without giggling and I cant do anything without googling.) It is as well or else,I might not have had even this many friends left!! So other than being a general nuisance do you have any career ambitions? I see you are working for a bank now.

U25:Well, I once wanted to join the IAS. Early marriage and the attendant responsibilities have made it an unreal ambition. My choice of subjects has made it impossible for me to become a teacher. As my time is running out I have taken up the job as a bank officer but this is definitely short term. At 40, I hope to be teaching small children in some school.

Me:You succeeded in accomplishing half of it by quitting the bank but never actually qualified yourself in montessori skills or anything to help you get a job in a school for tiny tots. But of course your other jobs in banking software companies gave you the opportunity to travel and also teach, only you were teaching adults. But you did a fine job of it - people actually asked for you by name for specific assignments!

U25: (blushing) Ah, really? I would not have thought I was capable of that!!And travel, yes I always wanted to travel to distant lands.I also wanted to write something and learn French and sanskrit when i stop working? what happened to all that?

Me: Write,No. You never followed it up perhaps because of the demands at home and job. You even went through a period when you did not have the time to read anything worthy of being called good writing. But you do write blogs and there are kind hearted souls who read them and you even get praised once in a way. Sanskrit, you started but did not continue because you wanted interactive courses. French, yes. your 48 year self is doing diplome now.

U25:I always wanted to adopt a child, a girl child. Did it happen?

Me:No,it had to be shelved as husband and father-in-law were against itAnd you could not have another child yourself. So Siddhu is your only child.
Well young lady, meeting me after 23 years are you disappointed? Would you have liked me to turn out differently?Any regrets?

U25:Disappointed? well no. You know that early in life i trained not to expect too much in order to avoid disappointments.It seems like life has been more than kind to me with opportunities, comforts and the people in my life.I am happy for you but you tell me, are you ashamed of me - my lack of poise unmindful of public opinion, my over-simplification of life with home spun logic, my optimism bordering on naivete, my faith in the goodness of people.

Me: No, I think you are alright. in fact those very things are the solid base for the path of my life and all the good things that have happened to me. To tell you the truth, behind all this grey on a receding temple claiming wisdom there is still you, the enthusiastic 25 year old who wakes up every morning and waits for a miracle to happen. Only I speak much less, I show off less and am calmer and slower. I dont meet and interact with so many people like you did. Otherwise we are the same. I am glad we met and had this conversation. May be I will try to revive some of your personality lying dormant within me. Stay with me for the rest of my life and may be we will go to our grave quoting Shakespeare:
"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing."

Tagging actually makes the major part of one's job easier by giving you the subject to write about but the challenge is to take it and make it interesting to the readers. I have been fascinated by the way each blogger brings their own distinct style and stamp to the same questions in a tag. So you go around and read the weird things about themselves that people have written - in fact some of them are not weird at all, they are amazing. Ranging from attention to minute detail to complete recklessness which could even be shocking!
But my job today is simple.Itchingtowrite wants me to talk about my 3 preferences under various categories. Talking about myself, since that is my specialty, here I go:

Three smells I love:
1. Babies ( especially after a bath and with all that powder and whatever they have been fed combined with the smell of oil and their natural smell...heavenly)
2.Sun-dried clothes.
3.first drops of rain (specially after a hot day.)

Three smells I hate:
1. Open drains
2. Smells from the sugar factory when the train crosses Nellikuppam ( mollasses?)
3. Baked stuff still smelling of eggs.

Note:Prolonged sinustis has reduced my level of sensitivity to smell. So I only react to strong odours.(may be a blessing?)

Three jobs that I have had in my life:
1.Bank officer /manager
2.Client services manager
3.Senior Consultant – training
But the ones I am actually proud of are
1.Scribe and reader for blind students in my college days.
2.Part-time teacher in a school
3.Mom of Siddhartha


Three movies that I could watch over and over:
1.Sound of Music
2.Any of Kamalhaasan’s Tamil films
3.It is a beautiful life (oops it is actually "life is beautiful" Thanks Kishore!)


Three fond memories:
1.Being moved to tears when thanked by the parents of a child for whose heart surgery I was one of the three students from our college who could donate blood when the operation was being done. The father said “God gave him life the first time and you are his little angels doing it again a second time.”

2.Being of the two in all of the the University of Madras to obtain a first class in B.A. English ( the department had not had a first class in the 12 preceding years) and also being awarded the best outgoing student prize.

3.All memories of my son growing up


Three jobs I would love to have:
1. Teaching very young kids
2. Painter ( yes anything which involves splashing colours)
3. Anything involving being with animals

Three things I like to do:
1.Listen to music
2.Write
3.Play with or talk to kids.

Three of my favorite foods:
1. Pasta with plenty of cheese
2. Bisibelebath with chips
3. Rice and rajma.
(only three? there is so much more...)

Three places I would like to be right now:
1.Jaipur
2.Karwar
3.Manasarovar

Three things that make me cry:
1. Seeing small children suffer
2. Unfair accusations.
3. My own helplessness


Now I want all who come and read this to say any 3 things about themselves in the comments. Or please take up the tag and do it in their blogspots.

Note to Artnavy: I am working on your suggestion. May be the next post!

Words painted on the inner side of the toilet doors in the Alliance francaise, Bangalore:


The English translation ( not very clear in the picture) says:

Thou, in here
take on a humble posture
to relieve yourself of your burden
After answering nature's call
After placing in the urn, nature's little gift
Please let flow clear ripples of sheer water
And bring down on this glorious recipient
As`decoration this rounded lid
whose spartan structure like a tomb
Will bury all traces of unpleasant odour
- Alfred de Musset

What a brilliant way to make a boring job sound like a major ritual!

Reminds me of something I heard from my mother's uncle.Apparently When Samuel Johnson met an old lady with a snuff box he asked for a pinch of the stuff in the following words:
"Madam, will you please allow me to dip my digital extremeties into that odoriferous concavity and extract therefrom some pulverised atoms which when blown through my nasal cavities would cause grateful titillation to my olfactoroy nerves?"

The festival season and particularly Navratri is a time when I get to meet some of my friends who are usually busy with their jobs or families. These invitations for "haldi kumkum" during Navratri help women give their busy schedule a break and catch up with friends and other relatives. Even a self imposed recluse like me decides to dust off the cobwebs and honour these invitations.

During one of these visits, I met two of my old friends. One has a globe trotting, highly paying job in a big multinational but when she spoke about her job, she sounded very disillusioned and unhappy. She was complaining about the kind of power politics she had to endure day in and day out, the games people were playing and how finally none of it made any sense to her.Her words were "I am working my a&* off here, all to no avail."It seemed like she was staying in the job because that was the best job that her CV could fetch her in today's time and the company is a heavyweight name in the industry and since she was career minded, she had no option but to put up with the stress and carry on. The other lady was bubbly and happy with contentment emanating from every pore.She accepts assignments to teach English to corporates and those aspiring to take exams for admissions to foreign universities. She was telling us about the great feedback her sessions were receiving, how she was getting repeat assignments and how good she felt doing what she was doing. To hear her talk about her job and herelf, one might think that she held a very important position and had a great career. Moneywise too her earnings are nothing great by today's standards. She felt she was doing something important and useful and she was doing her job very well. If for any reason she stopped doing this she would find something else to do and do it with as much involvement and happiness.And as I said,that contentment and happiness were almost infectious. I kept wondering why my other friend could not see all the advantages of her job that were quite obvious but chose to feel wasted and discontented.

Perhaps it is because finally satisfaction has to come from within and nothing external can give it to you. Friend no.1 was constantly comparing her self with the other colleagues at work and how someone who was not as good as her was treated as her equal and worse how her boss was an idiot but was where he was because he had better PR skills (to use her words, her boss was there "by sucking up to the bosses and by taking credit for all that others do.") She could not be happy about the compensations she was receiving but was unhappy about what others were getting. I understand her completely as I have been in a similar plight and suffered similar stresses. Friend No.2 was clear about what she wanted from her job and life was happy getting it. As for feeling productive and useful this is again a matter of perspective and seeing the larger picture.

I was reminded of this story:
"One day, a gentleman on a walk passed a construction site and inquired of the workers, 'What are you doing?' 'I'm breaking rock out of the quarry,' said one. Another replied, 'I'm in charge of making the mortar that will cement the stones.' A third man, caked in mud, was pushing a wheelbarrow, and he stopped just long enough to say, with a sense of proud delight, 'I'm building a cathedral."

I guess the second friend thinks of any job she does as "building a cathedral." Great recipe for contentment, isn't it?

Just received a call from a friend who went to Ajmer to pray at the dargah Shariff of Hazrat Khwajah Moinuddun Chishti. When she tried to check into a hotel, she was asked for her passport by the hotel staff who probably thought she was a foreigner. Ok I forgot to mention she is from Assam and has north eastern features and complexion. So the people at the hotel decided to make sure of her passport details never mind the fact she spoke fluent Hindi.

Then I go to read the posts at Itchingtowrite's blog and see this post on preconceptions and stereotyping of people from specific regions. Some of the statements of her ill-informed relative made me want to laugh. But then I stopped myself and thought ;"How many times have I not heard people in my circle say things about someone being a typical Bihari Thug?" Don't we imagine people in Bihar to be at the throat of anyone from another caste, or blinding scheduled castes or kidnapping every child on the road? And that every bihari male kneads tobacco in their palm and keeps it under their tongue?

While most of the English- medium educated city-bred youth may deny the existence of such prejudices in their interactions, they exist across the country at all levels. One doctor from AFMC told me that they referred to all tamilians as "illad" ( as tamilian boys use this word meaning "No Da"). People who speak telugu are called Gults and North Indians are called CHOMS-chapathi oriented men.I am sure there are many more.

The trouble is that inspite of all the opportunities and information available to us, we do not really make an effort to understand the sub cultures within the country. What we know is mostly from stereotypes shown in films which are mostly caricatures and do not represent the ordinary man from the region. Tamilians do not eat idly/sambar for lunch, punjabis do not go about their day dancing Bhangra and UPites and Biharis do not have a yellow sticker with the list of kidnappings and rape for the day.They all lead ordinary boring lives like us, have the same kind of problems , desires and disappointments - only they speak a different language and eat differnt type of food. Beyond that we are all the same.

How do you explain that to this Tam Brahm mother-in-law of an Assamese friend who will not eat food cooked by her daughter-in-law ( because she is a non vegetarian?). And her disappointment and rejection of her grand daughter who looks assamese and nothing tamilian? How is it ok for her to accept her son who eats non vegetarian and reject her daughter-in-law? And the poor girl is barred from her own kitchen while the mom-in-law comes to her "son's house".And what did she expect the grandchild to look like - in a mixed marriage like this?

The other day our French professor asked us to suggest a topic on Indian Culture to discuss with a French Visitor to our class . One of my classmates immediately said "Unity in diversity"! We have been so indoctarinated about these concepts and accepted these cliches that we don't even bother to question if these exist in reality. Ok, by unity if we mean that we are not killing each other every day because of these differences, yes it is there. Is that the best that we can hope to have?

Why is it becoming so difficult to ask simple questions and get straightforward answers? Why do people have to think deeply before answering any questions and give a safe reply or a "correct" reply?
A friend once said that she attended a meeting of japanese and she found that after each person spoke, they were all silent for a few minutes and then started responding one after another. The period of silence is intended to ensure that they take in what has been said, process it and then respond rather than say something quickly and impulsively.
Makes sense in a serious business setting but imagine bringing the same attitude to polite personal conversations!

Let me give you an example. I met a friend after a long time on my walk and asked: "all ok?' and the reply was :"Why, do I look different?"
I guess the fault was mine.I should have stuck to the good old "how are you?"

This is even better.
I asked a friend who has gone to a US university recently if he had many friends in the US. The reply was: "I have sent a mail to a batchmate from college and if he replies quickly, I'll be able to tell you in a day or two."
Whaaaaaaaat?
Apparently this friend was supposed to send him the contact addresses of all their common acquaintances living in the US. Now you see the connection?
He thought he could give me the exact number of his friends in the US once he gets the list I think!

In future whenever I frame a question I will make it multiple choice and tell them "answer yes /no or don't know". Or perhaps I will tell them "the information you give WILL NOT be used against you and I could not care less if it wasn't 100% accurate."

Are our interactions becoming more serious that every question is taken seriously and answered as accurately as possible?
Or it is just that I am stuck with weird friends?
Or is there something seriously wrong with my questions?

( was feeling particularly bored this evening and thought this might provoke some of you to share similar experiences. Otherwise my friends are not all that weird.Their only weirdness is that they continue to be my friends!)

Ever so often we have all been faced with a situation of having to run in order to stay in the same place. This delightful phrase has its origins in that deep and deceptively bizarre work "Alice through the looking glass".

"Alice looked round her in great surprise. 'Why, I do believe we've been under this tree the whole time! Everything's just as it was!'

'Of course it is,' said the Queen. 'What would you have it?'

'Well, in our country, said Alice, still panting a little, 'you'd generally get to somewhere else - if you ran very fast for a long time as we've been doing.' 'A slow sort of country!' said the Queen. 'Now, here, 1 see. it takes all the running you can do, to keep in ;he same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!'"

I have used this phrase so often and felt stupid when I learnt about a fundamental evolutionary principle assocaited with this idea.It is called the Red Queen Principle and it was proposed by the evolutionary biologist L.Van Valen. He argues that since all the species are coevolving, improvement in one species would result in a competitive advantage over the other species. In order to catch up with that and maintain the equilibrium, the other species have to adapt and improve too. Since this would effectively result in all them working harder in order to maintain the same balance among them, he named it the Red queen principle, of course referring to the above character.

One finds the same kind of race between the human body and viruses which is referred to as the "genetic arms race" where as the human body develops resistance for certain types of diseases, the viruses causing the diseases mutate and try to counter the resistance and the race goes on.You can read more here and here and I hope you will find it fascinating.

Perhaps all that we claim as human progress is also finally just a matter of necessity for staying in the race. There was no choice but to run and get better or we might have just perished. Definitely true of organisations and systems that if they do not respond to their external environment they perish. Survival of species is a definitely more competitive game than that.

So it seems that the final answer to Life, Universe and Everything may not be 42 but the Red Queen Principle!

A stray incident, a facial expression, the note of a song - sometimes they creep into your mind and keep coming back to you as recurring images long after the moment is over. Sometimes they are troubling; sometimes they make you feel nice; mostly they just stand there demanding your attention like my dog who cannot express what he wants but will keep coming back to me until I have guessed his need and attended to it. Well, there is this short story by a Lebanese author which I read about a month ago which has been doing this to me. I have not been able to put my finger on what it is that the story wants me to do with it so I thought if I wrote about it and shared it with you, it may get resolved.

The story is titled "La Chevre Du Liban" (the goat of Lebanon) by a Lebanese writer called Andree Chedid.
Autoun, a Lebanese Shepherd is about to return home with his sheep when he hears a voice in the distance calling out for a lost sheep.The anguish in the voice disturbs him as he can understand what a lost sheep can mean to a shepherd. He looks for it as far a his eyes can see but finds nothing. When he returns home he talks about it to his wife but she is unconcerned and is busy with getting the supper ready. Autoun is irritated about the nonchalance of the woman to another shepherd's distress. He worries about the shepherd who might not be able to eat or sleep that night until he finds the sheep. He cannot bring himself to eat so he decides to go and look for it himself. His wife is worried about the cold and his health. Unmindful, he takes the lantern and searches all night in the hard and hilly terrain until morning when he finally reaches the neighbouring village where a couple see him tired and worn out. They invite him into the house so he can rest. Autoun asks them if they know about a man who lost his sheep and has been looking for them .
The lady laughs and says "He is the biggest shepherd of the village. He sold the sheep in the morning and forgot about it in the evening and was looking for it."
Autoun asks her if she is sure and she confirms it and also tells him that the man would be passing by on his caravan shortly and he could have a look himself.
In a few minutes, the caravan passes by with a well dressed man on his camel who tips his head as a mark of respect to the woman.
In passing he shoots a casual glance at the tired old man in dusty clothes who was seated outside the house as one might look upon haggard Vagabonds.
And that is where the story ends.

I wonder what thoughts and feelings went through Autoun's head.
I remember being left with a similar feeling after watchinga tamil film called "moonram Pirai" (Sadma in Hindi)

You care too much for someone and give all of yourself to help them out because you think they need you but then, the other person has no such need and does not even know you exist much less know and appreciate your efforts for them.
What does that make you? a fool, a busybody, naive or just plain human?




*****************************************************************************

Here is an extract from the text:

Autoun, a Lebanese shepherd, heard the remote call of a neighbor who lost his goat. This voice torments it all the day. The evening, it returns at his place.

As soon as that it opened the door of its house, Autoun called to its wife:
“Chafika, there is the neighbor of the mountain which lost a goat. You did not see it in trimmings?
- No. But, come, soup awaits you. “
Ah! If only this woman spoke less!
Of the nests of silence, girls of this country. All day long, they plunge their arms in the water of linen and crockery; or, they polish the back of the copper pans and the tiling of the stripped rooms (1).
“He would not be able to eat this evening!
- Who?
The neighbor! He who lost his goat…
- Hurry, your soup will get cold. […]
- I prepared you what you like, of the stuffed vineleaves. They are the first.
- Vineleaves, is that what you can think of?
How could it be question of vineleaves whereas - up there - a man, a neighbor, a brother has corroded the heart? Antoun imagined the voice: it went and came in wood, it beat the thickets, the nervous step, the closed face. It called, it called:
“My goat! Where are you my goat?” It is terrible a man who calls! That does not leave you any more rest.
“He will not sleep this night.
- who? “
The woman returned carrying her pan wrapped in a cloth.
“But the neighbor!
- The neighbor! The neighbor! (Chafika raised the tone). It is ridiculous, you never saw him! You do not even know his face.
- I heard his voice… “, said Antoun.
Chafika sighed. It was useless to answer. When men harness themselves with an idea, they are so involved, all stupidly, like carrioles.
“But at least finish your soup.” […]
Antoun pushed back the table, rose:
“Listen!” The plate full of soup flowed on the tablecloth:
“I cannot stand it any more… Give me the lantern, I am going to seek the goat!
- You are insane! With your age and in this cold, you will catch death.
- It is perhaps somehwere in the neighbourhood. I know the way well.I also know the path of the goats. “
She knew she could not stop him. It was like that, he was obsessed with the idea and no one could do anything to dislodge it."
“I will find his goat, I will find it.”
Chafika gave him its lantern and he left.

Hiphopgmom tagged me with the following
questionnaire:

1.Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with its content and look?Does your family know about your blog?

I do not have the technical expertise to change the look of my blog as much as I would like to. So I do not have much choice except be happy that it allows me to do this much.
As for content, I would certainly like to do better.
Some of my family know about it – others don’t because they are not interested.


2.Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?

No I do not feel embarrassed to let people know about my blog. In fact, although I have given the link to many, I do not think most of them read it.

3.Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?

Yes. I realised that organising stray thoughts and writing them down imparts clarity. And the comments are a great tool to share others’ perspective on one’s thoughts and many times they open up new lines of thinking.

4.Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
I make it a point to visit those who visit my blog and comment. I would love to go to other blogs if time permits.I enjoy reading blogs.

5.What does visitors counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it in your blog?

Yes. I like it. It lets me know who is visiting me and why.

6.Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?

Yes, but not a face but a personality.


7.Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?

Yes. It fills a need for communication and companionship.


8.Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
Being isolated from the real world could actually be one of its strong points. In any case it is changing with bloggers meets etc.

9.Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing?
When one is airing ones thoughts in a public domain, one should be prepared to face criticism. But if the criticism becomes a personal attack and not restricted to the writing, then I get annoyed.


10.Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them?

Have never been to one but I am very likely to avoid them.


11.Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?

Yes. That some people find a way to misuse every new invention.


12.Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?

Yes, I hope somebody will read it and remember me.


13.What do you like to hear? What's the song you might like to put a link to in your blog?

I would like to hear something inspirational and something that we need to remember at all times:
For starters, I would like this song by Bob Dylan:

What good am I if I'm like all the rest,
If I just turned away, when I see how you're dressed,
If I shut myself off so I can't hear you cry,
What good am I?

What good am I if I know and don't do,
If I see and don't say, if I look right through you,
If I turn a deaf ear to the thunderin' sky,
What good am I?

What good am I while you softly weep
And I hear in my head what you say in your sleep,
And I freeze in the moment like the rest who don't try,
What good am I?

What good am I then to others and me
If I've had every chance and yet still fail to see
If my hands are tied must I not wonder within
Who tied them and why and where must I have been

What good am I if I say foolish things
And I laugh in the face of what sorrow brings
And I just turn my back while you silently die,
What good am I?


Now it is time for me to tag others and this time I am going to name a few as I would definitely like to hear their story

Mahadevan, my Captain Souvik, Pradeep, Ravi

Would you people mind doing it please?

Today a friend told us how her daughter was taunted by some of the kids in her schoolbus for her dark skin. The 10 year old seems to have taken it rather badly and my friend is totally clueless on how to make her see that the colour of one's skin does not matter. How do you make a 10 year old understand that it is what is inside of you which matters? How do you make her see that your looks are inherited and most of all how do you make her understand that to a caucasian , even her fair friends would seem "dark skinned"? My friend does not want to interfere and talk to the teacher as she feels she cannot protect her child from such prejudices all along and that she would have to learn to face it by herself. Why are we so obsessed with the colour of our skin and what right do we have to complain about some others being racist?

I have had similar experiences in my childhood too and it gets worse when you have a sister who is almost milky white. The comparisons are open and odious - no one cares about the child's sensibilities.It is almost like it was my fault that I was born dark - it took almost 21 years for me to understand that it was my genes that made me dark and one's achievement lies in what you make of yourself and not what you look like.

I was pleasantly surprised when blogger hiphopgrandmom wrote about facing a similar plight in her childhood in this post. Perhaps all dark girls in this country have the same story to share. Today most of us do not openly talk about fair skin being an essential pre requisite for being considered pretty and there are a few actors and models who are cited as an example of how this is no longer a criterion but still most models for beauty products ( or personal hygiene products) use models who have a fair skin and some are not even Indian.

I do not know about the others but I did suffer from a complex , a kind of feeling of inferiority and a lack of confidence for a long time. During adoloscence one even went through a phase of considering oneself good for nothing as good looking girls always got all the good roles in the school plays, dance dramas and got he front rows in most parades. It seemed like one had to work twice as good just to stay in the race. It really took some special friends who loved me for the person I was to make me see that it is what is inside which matters.

I do not know how this prejudice took roots in India as our most loved god Krishna was supposed to be dark skinned. We do have many proverbs in Tamil which extol that black is beautiful. And in recent times this was reinforced by a popular song that listed all the nice things that are black. It is easy to conclude that this revulsion to things dark was inherited from the invaders from central Asia and Europe but I do not know if that is true. I wonder when we will begin to see that it is a pigmentation issue and a dark skln may actually be giving us resistance to some skin diseases.

I also wonder if we will ever see in real life what I read somewhere (can't remember where or was it a film?): A dark skinned man places his hand on the hand of a fair skinned girl and asks her : "Do you see the difference?" and the girl reples, "yes, your hands are larger."

About a year ago, I remember watching an old Tamil classic film on Video with Shivaji Ganesan in the lead with a group of teenagers. It was a heavy emotional drama but every time the hero would be at his finest in the portrayal of some deep sadness or affection or love, the youngsters would go into peals of laughter and comment on the excessive dramatisation of quotidien emotions. I remember seeing the same film when I was about their age and it all seemed so appropriate at that time. We believed nobody else could express emotions as naturally as this actor. And then I also remembered that I have actually seen people in real life who displayed emotions openly and without restraint - they shouted in anger, they laughed loudly, they wept hysterically - in short they were not ashamed to display their emotions publicly at least within their inner circle. We`were not excessively polite and did not believe in using a voice that did not betray deep emotions.

I suppose this younger generation is not used to such unfettered theatrical display of emotions in their day to day interactions. Conversations at all levels are more polite and restrained, crying publicly is a sign of weakness, raising your voice is rude - there is a general dilution of drama in life. Even occasions with scope for high emotional drama are resolved across the table like diplomatic negotiations between foreign secretaries.

Love triangles are resolved by the loser understanding that the other two are right for each other and actually blessing them. Emotions like possessiveness, jealousy are becoming outmoded. In fact one of my friends was slightly concerned about the recent trend when people divorce amicably and remain friends. She says that it is a matter of concern that people do not seem to be fighting hard to save their marriage, they give up easily and a little possessiveness might actually help save the marriage. Interesting thought!

It is a matter of perspective whether the lessening of drama through softening of passions is good or bad. It might be a cultural trait and with increasing westernisation, the educated younger generation might have acquired the traits of another culture. It might also be that as reason takes over in relationships, there may be less room and need for such emotions. This came up when I mentioned this to a group of friends when one of them said that "it is a sign of evolution."

As human beings evolve, do they become less emotional and more rational? By the same logic, would highly evolved beings be somewhat like the character so brilliantly portrayed by Dustin Hoffman in the film Rainman or the character Christopher in the novel The curious incident of the dog in the night-time?
Or
would they be personifications of kindness as in this poem by Naomi Shihab Nye?

"For everyone of us that succeeds, it's because there's somebody there to show you the way out. The light doesn't always necessarily have to be in your family; for me it was teachers and school." (Oprah Winfrey)
I suppose this is true for a lot of us in the 40s and 50s where teachers played a major role in shaping our values and inspiring us. They took their job very seriously be it in preparing for the classes or in helping a laggard get over her/his learning troubles or in guiding us when we needed it. I went to a school where a lot of poor and lower middle class children studied. They came from backgrounds where their parents were not highly educated or aware of the world. For these children a whole new perspective and vision of the world was opened up by our teachers - a history teacher who would bring her daily newspaper to make us read about what was going on in the world, a science teacher who would ask a failed student to stay back after school to counsel her to help her cope with a problem father, an English teacher who would write our speeches for the competitions and train us for elocution competitions. Many of us put in extra work to please a teacher who was our favourite. My whole interest in English language started with the English teacher in class 9. I am sure there was such an inspiration for many of us - a teacher who was an example, a teacher who saw the innate talent and made you see it and nurture it, a teacher for whom we took that extra interest in a subject which became a lifelong passion. And the best part is that they did it out of genuine interest and not with any expectations. Their pride and satisfaction came from seeing their students reach great heights while they themselves stayed where they were.
There have been many moments when I have remembered my teachers with overwhelming gratitude. I wonder where they are today and feel sad at not being able to trace them until finally I realise they are there right within me having left apart of them in me while shaping me become the person I am today.

Albert Camus, the nobel prize winning Algerian writer dedicated his prize to his teacher and wrote a letter to him after winning it. He said:
Dear M. Germain,When I heard the news, my first thought, after my mother, was of you. Without you,without the hand that you held out to the poor boy who I was, without your teaching and example,none of this would have taken place. I will not aggrandise this honour. But it is a chance to tell you,what you have been and still are for me and to assure you that your efforts, your work and the generous heart you put into it are still living within the small pupil, who, despite his age, has not ceased being your grateful disciple."

What a touching gesture and each of us can think of at least one teacher who has done to this to us and shaped us become what we are today.

It is sad to see that today teaching is probably the last choice for most people. They are so poorly paid, their working conditions are hard and their work is hardly recognised and rewarded. It has always been so for teachers but then the average salary levels were not very high and a teacher could still make both ends meet. But in today's level of salaries and consequent price rise, how can we expect them to stay motivated when a fresh graduate in other sectors gets more salary than a post graduate teacher with 10 years experience? Even if they were to resist all such temptations and become teachers out of their passion they are eventually disillusioned by the quality of students and the respect they have for their teachers.I met a chemistry professor from a reputed college in Chennai who shared his sadness over the kind of students who opt for science courses today and it was pathetic. He says that the core of his students are those who have not managed to get seats in any professional courses and are there just to get a degree and no higher ambitions. He says that it is impossible to attract his best students towards research in the subject as they are recruited for domain expertise by IT firms.I worry about who is going to teach our future generations English and history and chemistry and mathematics.If this is the case in private institutions, I shudder to even begin to think of the government colleges.
I think it is time we woke up to the extent of the problem and implemented steps to make teaching an attractive career option.

And my salutes to all teachers on the eve of Teachers' day.May your tribe increase and continue to inspire future generations.

What is life but the sum of one's experiences of joys and sorrows, pleasure and pain, anger, suffering, feeling love and hatred, pride and humiliation? One learns from each experience, accepts and grows.
And there is a first time for everything:
The first time you fall in love when no sacrifice seems too large to put a smile on the face of the loved one; when the whole purpose of living seemed designed to make the loved one happy.
The first time you lost a loved one when nothing else in your life seems worth living for; when you feel lost and do not know how you could go on living in a world without the other.
The first time you crumbled to tiny pieces, eaten by the monster of failure and lost all courage to face the world again.

These first times which seem like the greatest joys and sorrows that happened on this planet in the history of mankind. These first times when the emotion belonging to the moment consumes your entire being until you become the emotion itself lost in its intensity. And then reason takes over, reality sobers you down and acceptance sets in as you gather yourself up and start living your ordinary mundane real life again.

There would be other times when you face the same yet again but then they do not matter – you have seen the worst of it and you can do it again.

One such special moment is for every mother to hold her child for the first time in life.
A tiny, helpless being beating with life placed on your arms. First you admire the miracle of creation, nature’s perfect design and smile. You feel proud for having shaped it and held it within you. You are at the height of joy.
Then the tiny palm closes around your finger and you panic at the enormity of the responsibility. It is not a toy to play with but a life to take care of. It is yours to protect, to nourish and help flower.
The world seems too full of threats for your beautiful child. How could you close your eyes and sleep while your child needs to be protected? Would you know what it wants when he cries out wordlessly? Would you be able to let him grow up untouched by your own imperfections?
Would you be able to shelter him from hatred and jealousy and anger and violence that the world is so full of?
And then the tears begin to flow.
You cry for your own imperfections and the imperfections of the world in which this perfect child, your own baby, must grow.

The first time – a moment of great joy and sadness, hope and despair, pride and panic. The first time when you feel like God and the feeblest creature all at once.


P.s: I wrote this for a French assignment. Posting it here to share.

Suddenly the 7th commandment is the most discussed topic in India today - thanks to karan Johar and his Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. You switch on the television and Tarot card reader Sunita declares "everyone cheats" and Shahrukh Khan takes on a relationship expert on the intricacies of love and marriage. You go to a party and before you know people are taking sides on whether extra marital relationships are justified or not. Every 5th Indian blog you read has a take on this or at least touches on the issue in passing.

Men have been cheating on their wives from time immemorial and in India they have done it openly and come back and looked their family straight in the eye as if it is no big deal.So why this sudden urgency and panic like the outbreak of a fatal infection? Aha....a married WOMAN is involved here - what will happen to our morals and social fabric and family structure if women start indulging in such things?After all the onus of holding up the family has been on the woman notwithstanding whatever the men have done. And this indoctrination of their need to preserve the society has been a way to ensure that they forgive their erring husbands all their misbehaviour and still fast and pray for their logevity and treat them as devta. They were not supposed to say 'enough is enough" and say "Alvida" but hang on and on and on stupidly and hope for a better husband in the next birth.

Now here is Big B himself telling a woman to go and find her happiness with another man - God sanctioning Sin! So people are wringing their hands worried about women quoting the Big B and going in search of happiness or better men. That marriage is no longer the end of one's search and fatalistic acceptance of one's partner can no longer be taken for granted. Marriage is no longer a commitment but a convenient arrangement until the next best thing arrives in your life.

I guess until now, adultery by women has not been an issue as opportunities for discreet indulgence in it have been limited. That is no longer the case with so many distant marriages and women spending longer hours at workplace with colleagues. Lifestyles of people have changed, attitude to issues like marriage and commitment are changing and the extent of influence that the norms of society can have on the upwardly mobile sections of young people is reducing.

I think ultimately you cannot prevent adultery by social sanction or even by law. It can only be prevented from within, through exercise of free will. If people are committed to their partners, to their family, they will refrain from indulgence in the face of any temptation. If the commitment is not there, any slight reason is enough.
Do today's young have a problem of commitment? (I am excluding the older generation here because in any case they still worry about societal acceptance which acts as a great deterrent against such temptation.)
or is it the feeling that everyone has one life and hence should make the most of it - so you go running from one thing to the other in an eternal search for what is better as your status in life improves? I suppose even the latter boils down again to a lack of commitment. Are we becoming less inclined to invest our energies in staying together and weathering problems and prefer opting out as the easier and more convenient solution?

Are we also on the way to becoming "disposing" - inclined to dispose of anything that no longer serves our purpose because we have found a newer, better model? Has this tendency towards possessions seeped slowly into the way we manage our relationships too?

This pair comes to our house on all fridays and on all festive occasions - the man plays his Tavil or sometimes the nadaswaram and the Basava (Bull in Kannada) brightens the day by just being his colourful self.





Wish you a happy Vinayaka chaturti. May all your plans in the coming year be impediment-free and successful!

The other day I was to pick up some friends on our way to the multiplex to watch Omkara. We had arranged to meet at 9:25 and I had to pick up another lady a few blocks away at 9:30. One of the 9:25 ladies finally arrived at 9:35 and in those 10 minutes I had sweated, fretted and fumed. I cannot handle people taking my time for granted and her delay also meant I would be late to pick up the other person which meant taking her time for granted. The worst part was that this friend who arrived late just got in with a smile and did not even feel the need to apologise and when we made it to the hall, she casually says "we were not late for the show or anything, no?".
I guess it is this cavalier attitude towards appointments that has resulted in the joke about Indian standard time. A friend once said, in India we are attuned to the concept of cosmic time and the belief that we always have another birth to finish the things and hence the cool attitude towards seconds and minutes. My sister who went to Germany told me how things work there: If you fix a meeting for 9 a.m and arrive at 8:55, the room would be empty. At 8:59. they all walk in and at 9, everyone is there!

I think it was my job at the bank and the responsibility of carrying the vault keys which has instilled in me the obsession with being on time. You cannot afford to open the Vault later than 9 a.m as it would result in long customer complaints and disciplinary action. And I also believe that being late for an appointment implies an insult to the other person's schedule. One has to think of the trouble that the other person has taken to arrive at the scheduled hour. Every one has a busy life after all. And from practice I know that all it takes to be punctual is the willingness to do it. It is not too tough to work backwards and factor in possible delays and if it seems unachievable, it is better to fix it for a later time than commit to a time and miss it by an hour.

I even know students who tell me how they walked into the exam hall half an hour late for an exam and I simply cannot understand it. I think if the rules of the examination did not permit the grace time, they would make it on time. And the flippant excuses for the delay are even more irritating - "I got up late", "I was searching for a matching pair of slippers". AARRGGGHHHHHHHH.....

Apparently punctuality is not a virtue among latin Americans either. So in 2003, Ecuador launched a campaign to change the mindset of the people. As the Economist reported:
"Hundreds of institutions ranging from local councils to airlines have signed up to a promise to keep to time. Stragglers are barred from entering meetings. Hotel-style door signs have appeared in offices and schools. On one side, they say “Come in: You're on time'' and on the other “Do not enter: the meeting began on time.'' A local newspaper is publishing a daily list of public officials who turn up late to events."

Time we did something like this in this country. Can we start a Campaign?

With the intention of making everyone in class participate and express, our French professor has a list of interesting questions. You get to choose the question by giving a number in a range and answer the question that corresponds to the number of your choice.Some are funny, some are scandalous and some really philosophic.It is always interesting to see how some turn the most serious question into something frivolous while others pontificate and philosophise over the simplest question. I got the question:

Would you rather be loved or admired and why?

In the class i got away with a simpler answer to this in order to avoid conjugating too many verbs and searching for the vocabulary. But the question kept coming back to me.

I think good people are loved and successful people are admired. Of course that doesn't mean that you can only be good or successful but either one of them is a sufficient condition to be loved or admired.I cannot straight away think of many people who are loved and admired. In recent times Mother Teresa was an example. Even in the case of Gandhiji, I think the British admired but hated him and the Indians loved and admired him.

We admire people when we feel that they have scaled heights that we ourselves may not yet have or may not be capable of. Admiration comes from a wish to be or to do things like someone else - obviously it follows that these feats are difficult to achieve and require tremendous talent/ hardwork/ perseverence/ bravery etc.Putting someone on a pedestal involves a bit of distancing,they no longer "belong" with you but are "there" a little (or lot) higher up.

We love people when we are easy and comfortable with them, when they are kind and nice and generous, funny and forgiving.We love people when they make us feel we are ok people, when they accept us warts and all. And when we love a person we accept them with all their imperfections and failures.

Being worthy of admiration imposes a great burden on a person; you are not allowed to fail or even slip up. But being loved imposes no such burdens - you can be a bumbling bufoon and yet be loved just for being so.

So now you have one guess on what my choice would have been! And what about you?
Would you rather be loved or admired and why?