I get very worked up when someone makes a comment like "just the kind of thing THESE PEOPLE do". "These people?" What do you mean?How many of "those people" do you actually know who are like THAT? and what about the kind of things YOU PEOPLE do? I argue endlessly and I pride myself on my acceptance of people as they are for what they are. I consider myself non judgemental and as someone who defends the right of everyone to be the way they want to live their lives.And then The Madmomma decides to expose me by asking me to list what I am judgemental about.Me? judgemetal?? How dare you madmomma?? or wait a minute... may be one or two tiny little things. Let me think...
Ok, here's one. I judge my NRI cousins who come back on their 4 week vacation and grumble about all that is wrong with India.How they miss the old world charm of India and why must we have baristas and malls and all that. It is no different from being in the U.S.
(Excuse me, this is not a museum of 16th century life. We live here day after day and would appreciate some of these too in stead of having to fly over to NewYork for our shopping.)
2. I judge my cousins again when they say how much they miss "home" but "what to do?"they "have to" live in the U.S where the quality of life is so much superior and it is all a sacrifice they have to do so their kids can have the best.
(Do you know 1 billion people actually live here ? ya, children too and our mortality rates are declining! Guess what, we have hospitals and doctors and some top class educational institutions. internet? ya that too!)
3.I judge people who hit their kids. I think violence is an expression of their impotence.
4. I judge people who don't love animals.
5. I judge people who are too lazy to give their dogs a nice name and call them Jimmy or Rosy. I judge them when they use them as workers and do not spend a few minutes talking to them or playing with them.
6.I judge people who are in too many casual relationships as in sleeping around. I think they are either too insecure or too depraved.
7.I judge people like Aishwarya Rai whose smile doesn't seem genuine - you know a smile has got to be in their eyes ,from their soul and all that?
8.I judge people with an accent - not a tamil or telugu or malayalam or punjabi one but those who have lived in India all their lives and put on an american accent!Worse when they speak their mothertongue with an accent.( Enku Tahmeel saryA varAdu)
9.I judge people with flamboyant CVs.
10.I judge people who use too many buzz words in ordinary conversations.
and...and...and....
Oh my god, I am a bigot. I am totally prejudiced. I am too judgemental... I need help!
Now all of you who come here who haven't done this already, tell me what you are judgemental about. Come on be a sport! I won't judge you. As you know I never judge...
Ok, here's one. I judge my NRI cousins who come back on their 4 week vacation and grumble about all that is wrong with India.How they miss the old world charm of India and why must we have baristas and malls and all that. It is no different from being in the U.S.
(Excuse me, this is not a museum of 16th century life. We live here day after day and would appreciate some of these too in stead of having to fly over to NewYork for our shopping.)
2. I judge my cousins again when they say how much they miss "home" but "what to do?"they "have to" live in the U.S where the quality of life is so much superior and it is all a sacrifice they have to do so their kids can have the best.
(Do you know 1 billion people actually live here ? ya, children too and our mortality rates are declining! Guess what, we have hospitals and doctors and some top class educational institutions. internet? ya that too!)
3.I judge people who hit their kids. I think violence is an expression of their impotence.
4. I judge people who don't love animals.
5. I judge people who are too lazy to give their dogs a nice name and call them Jimmy or Rosy. I judge them when they use them as workers and do not spend a few minutes talking to them or playing with them.
6.I judge people who are in too many casual relationships as in sleeping around. I think they are either too insecure or too depraved.
7.I judge people like Aishwarya Rai whose smile doesn't seem genuine - you know a smile has got to be in their eyes ,from their soul and all that?
8.I judge people with an accent - not a tamil or telugu or malayalam or punjabi one but those who have lived in India all their lives and put on an american accent!Worse when they speak their mothertongue with an accent.( Enku Tahmeel saryA varAdu)
9.I judge people with flamboyant CVs.
10.I judge people who use too many buzz words in ordinary conversations.
and...and...and....
Oh my god, I am a bigot. I am totally prejudiced. I am too judgemental... I need help!
Now all of you who come here who haven't done this already, tell me what you are judgemental about. Come on be a sport! I won't judge you. As you know I never judge...
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LOL! Totally with you on the american thing. I didnt want to get hammered by the desi crowd so i didnt put that one in. i find it very funny when desi kids open their mouths and little american voices and ideas come out.. 'There's a mons-tah under my bed!!'
Its almost impossible to come to any decision without judging things (or people). So I think its not all that bad. However 'pre-judging' without facts is wrong.
"I judge people with an accent" - hee hee I do that too among many other things.
Usha,
How do you act upon your judgment? To illustrate, do you obsessive-compulsively shy away from social interaction with those who find it strategically imperative to employ post-modernist terminology in their verbal interactions with the members of their cohort group? If you don't, you are O.K, I am O.K. :)
Mad:hehehe.
Ravi:No it doesnt help me make any decision. Just irritates me a bit - I bet I do things that irritate others too.
The RF:Ok doc there was this one time in office when the marketing guy walked into the meeting and started talking.
The first minute I was doodling on the pad.
The second I was stabbing the pincushion with the letter opener.
The third I picked up the paper weight and aimed at the window but his head came in between!
hi Usha,
hola!Came here through MM's page.
Amazing- I think you and I have the same pet peeves! :)
couldnt stop grinning while reading this post. its very well written. your whole blog infact.
ive bookmarked it - will be back regularly.
the 1st one is best put.. fly to new york ha ha
I am with you in # 6& 7,point 2
has been experienced by me not from those 'american' visitors but the desi one's who behave as if they have been brought up with central AC facilities all their lives.The kind who cannot put up with a little sultry weather to be in the company of their loved ones.After all 90% of India is humid and hot for 10 months of a year.
What a list !! But I am not just judgemental about the NRI's I dislike the ones who do that. Come on 3 week vacations and complain and crib. Bah, like the rest of us are junglee animals ! First time commenting here, although a frequent visitor !
Lol laughed at the way you went about your post.
Whimper! Ouch! Boo Hoo Hoo at # 3. am guilty, and I so mean to stop, but it is getting difficulter by the day to hold on to my temper..
Have been tagged on this by Itchy, so will post mine soon.
i have put up my version
i am so biased i am beyond help i guess
on nris- pl read my post a few days back and comment as well-http://abouttimenow.blogspot.com/2007/07/quandry.html
Oh well :(
OK so it goes like ... its not I dont love animals.... its just that I am scared of pets :(
Can you suggest a solution?
What a great post. I had to smile at the end.
I have a question. Did you mean Aishwarya Rai's smile is genuine .... or not? I didn't get that.
Alright, so I judge people with bad grammar. Sigh!
I judge people who think they're right all the time.
I judge people who are loud.
I judge people who choose to remain stupid!!!! Sorry.
I am sure there are many more things!
Funny, I was here posting a comment on your blog and you just posted one on mine!!
Daisy: Thank you. it is comforting when they are shared - makes you feel normal!
Winz::) Please come back and share your thoughts.
ITW: Oh yes!
Hipgran:On your point, we bangaloreans do that in chennai too but we still love being there.
Poppins::) Please share your thoughts if you disagree about anything. helps me see the other side.
JLT:hehehe.
Come on how naughty can a 3 year old be? It is certainly possible to change him with other more patient means.
Art: Saw that. Oh, I have some of those too. I had already read your other post. It is difficult for them to keep the child attached to some roots they hardly get to be in touch with. And there are so many cultural differences. In the early ages it is easier but once they are in high school I think they make their choice and stick to it which is good.
WIN: Hey just be kind to them and don't treat them like they have no right to be on this planet. You don't have to bring them into your homes if you are not comfortable.
Chitra:Please do your list. I did make a request didn't I?
Oops. there, guilty of bad grammar on the aishwarya point. will change it now. Thank you.
I came across yr Blog from MM. Loved the way you write. And my god thank you for letting me know there is someone else who thinks ash's smile is fake. I live in US tho :( so I cant talk abt somethings but one thing I work hard at is not having a stupid accent. It used to bug the hell out of me back home and the one thing I have studiously avoided.. :) and somehow my tamil thankfully seem to have gotten better here!!!
ha..ha-"You know i never judge".Really not a judge at least.
Well i truely agree with you about the American Accent thing.I recently met a Indian friend who has been in America for just an year round...i just cannot tellu how muct she tries to speak in the accent.
And about that plastic smile of Aishwarya!.I think her expressions are all plastic.
-MJ
We like to be discerning, I say!
I love your write ups. You very well bring out your viewpoint and at the same time engage the readers to express theirs. I have bookmarked you...
Keep the write ups coming..
Oh no Usha, you're gonna hate me. I have a tenuous relationship with animals. I like seeing them in nature/docs/zos, and don't like to kill them. Even a bee that comes inside my house will be gently escorted out, but I can't abide pets... boo hoooooooo!
As for me, I'm bigoted when it comes to religious nuts, those just drive me up the wall. I don't openly say it a lot, but I'm pretty smug about my vegetarianism, and nothing would please me more than converting someone to it. Oh wait, I sound like a religious nut, don't I?
Very thought-provoking post.
Though I see the points you make...I make it a point to go beyond judging to empathise...with the people who act in a strange way. For instance, Aishwarya Rai is a showgirl. How can her smile be genuine all the time? Or can it be? Perhaps the actors act a lot in their waking time and the moment they face the cameras they start acting.
The NRI who speaks with an accent has been playing his role overseas for bread-winning and if he spoke with an Indian accent perhaps he will be discriminated even more. His role-play sticks on.
And so on...
So I come back to your opening lines:
I try to accept people as they are for what they are. Only this position makes me happy and keeps me free of any agitation.
Nitya:I have no problem with people living in the US acquiring the accent - I can understand that.Depends on who you deal with in your work. I cannot understand those who put on an accent living here. That is phoney.
As for aish, I know a lot of people who can't stand her only because of this. Otherwise she looks perfect of course.
Sakhi: hehe.We all like to believe we are non judgemental.
S!:Don't we though!
Seetha: Thanks.
Priya:It is perfectly fine as long as you leave them be just as they tolerate us. You do not have to go hug them and bring them home.We do that with many people don't we?
Bala: I try to rationalise too when I have got to know the person well. But when I am silently observing a crowd, I judge these traits in people.
Have you seen Sushmita's smile? kajol? She can forget her superiority and smile more warmly at least if the role demands it? No she has to give that perfect practised smile even as paru.
Accent - Oh I totally understand if you live abroad. I mean those who have never lived outside India, when they sport an accent I cannot stomach it.
I would take this up Ushaji though my list would be more or less like yours and Artnavy’s.
I was thinking about the phoren accent in India a lot. I came across it in Bangalore, and usually it used to be youngish college girls or boys - hanging out in MG/Brigade's.
Of course it used to bug me, but now there's an explanation of sorts. They're call center employees or wannabe ones, just practising their accents so they can convince Joe Schmo in America that they can deal with their overseas support questions :D
Lavs:Pls do. will check it out.
Priya: Oh some of these girls and boys are not aspiring to be call center employees. They are the type whose parents have enough money to pay and send then to a US university. These are young people who are just waiting to make a home in the U.S.
But we still like you Usha :)
Seriously tho - the list was good - I was smiling and nodding at most - the smile not reaching the eyes, the NRIs who come to India and behave like they flown back in time, the mons-tah accent... everything.
But then seriously, how can one NOT be judgemental - I mean you've got to have an opinion, na?
"Violence is an expression of impotence" - true. The irony is one tends to be violent against the weak.
I am not a great lover of animals. I plead guilty.
Casual relationship is debasing relaship as such.
Smile has to be in one's eyes and soul and not mere cosmetic. Can one dare to disagree?
Speaking one's own mother tongue with an accent - Airlines' cabin crew speaking Hindi exemplifies this. But they have been constantly trained to speak in this way.
Too many buzz words - Sorry. IIMs are culpable to some extent, in cultivating this culture.
Totally agree with you in what one shouldn't be except 'loving the animals' part.
Hi Usha,
Altho an NRI I have had the opposite experience. Nephews and neices who are students and coming to my home in the US marvel that I still make menthiya kozambu, parupu ushali, celebrate gokulashtami with 4 sweets and 4 savouries, krishna padams all around the house (Sorry but they are cutouts in paper in deference to the carpet). I thinks what is freaky to them is that I am making all these while in my skin tight Jeans with mettallica playing in the background.
aofufromuofa