tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post6816096183143063027..comments2023-10-09T18:12:29.276+07:00Comments on Agelessbonding: Saas_Bahu - my take.Ushahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-51091660471134897632007-07-18T02:36:00.000+07:002007-07-18T02:36:00.000+07:00Usha,I am in the category of DIL now..When i got m...Usha,<BR/>I am in the category of DIL now..<BR/>When i got married i wanted to be a good DIL and did everything possible to please my inlaws.<BR/>But slowly i realised the more i am good the more i am taken advantage.My in laws would always expect me to do work for them in kitchen,give money to them and their daughter inspite of all them being in well paid jobs.<BR/>I have a Sister in law who is the height of trouble creator.She just comes in between me and husband and creates some problems.<BR/>My SIL has thrown her in laws out of house as u were saying..But she keeps creating problem to us.<BR/>i am working in a big concern and in a respectful job.<BR/>The worst thing that happens in my life is these people are so cunning and whetever blame they wanted to tell on me they put it so softly.whn i complain to my husband,he just says they have told nothing harsh,that i am imagining things..<BR/><BR/>I am slowly getting to depression,becuse i who always wanted to be straight forward could not take up this way of cunningness.<BR/><BR/>anyway in my point of view the DIL,MIL releationship worsens if there is a worse SILAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-31836524714558952802007-04-13T09:36:00.000+07:002007-04-13T09:36:00.000+07:00Lavs/Pooh:Thanks for sharing. Although every time ...Lavs/Pooh:<BR/>Thanks for sharing. Although every time I hear stories like this my heart sinks at the sight of the parents digging their own grave by such uncompromising attitude on silly issues. <BR/>I still feel that if you are to live with your in-laws in the early days of marriage the sons should play an active role in bridging the realtionship. For example Lavs, in your own case, if your mother in law expected you to draw kolam in the morning after a night shift, this was insensitive. But if you felt uncomfortable explaining or refusing your husband could have spoken to them and put na end to it.<BR/>And Pooh, the same in the case of V and R. Why did R have to listen to his parents when they were so wrong? He could have shut his mother up and ended the matter then and there - why did he become the good human being by letting the women fight it out?<BR/>Although I am dismayed at the kind of experiences bahus have shared here, I'd like to believe that suffering DIL bloggers have spoken out while the ones in a harmonious relationship just take it for granted and havent spoken. So that vast majority still holds out hope for me.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-463019846618228052007-04-12T21:27:00.000+07:002007-04-12T21:27:00.000+07:00well let me say this... V and R had an arranged ma...well let me say this... V and R had an arranged marriage.. and both of vowed to gain another set of parents and make transition as easy as possible. Both set of parents are cool..It was fine.. marriage over..V and R leave for US.. 6 months later V and R come to India.. V and R decide to spend 50% of their vacation in R's home and the rest in V's home.. and R's mom lashes back saying it is not the way she did it when she was young and blah blah blah.. she goes to the extend of mailing V's mom asking her to cut the umbilical cord.. and all the good intentions V had disappear.. she tried being the nice daughter and it does'nt help..she became another DIL and things are better.. when the dil takes a step to adjust.. I guess the mil needs to come down a bit too. and guys are just guys.. they love their parents but are not going to show it like women do and mom and dad need to feel secure that their son will always be their son even when he has a wife..and that they raised him to be a great human beingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-88512362198841706522007-04-10T23:47:00.000+07:002007-04-10T23:47:00.000+07:00Hi Ushaji,Reading your post and so many people’s s...Hi Ushaji,<BR/><BR/>Reading your post and so many people’s stories, I am compelled to pen down my story. First, I do not think that DIL-MIL bonding issues are something special coz relationship issues sprout not only with in-laws but also with siblings, spouse, relatives and even some times with parents. My marriage is an arranged one where we went through the rigors of “bride viewing”. Luckily, the first guy who came to meet me liked me and I liked him and we got married. Then we grew to love each other dearly.<BR/><BR/>During my first year of married life, I worked with a foreign bank and my work hours were odd considering I left for work at 11 in the afternoon and came home at 12 in the night. I have a SIL who was at that point of time studying in college in another state. My in-laws showed partiality towards my SIL and treated my husband badly, which they have been doing for quite some time but I was unaware of this before marriage. Conditions were laid by my in-laws on how I had to behave in their house. I was asked to call my hubby not by name, get up early in the morning to put kolam at the doorstep irrespective of the fact that I slept only at 1 in the night and I should not buy anything for myself unless I get something for my SIL. These were some ridiculous conditions laid down apart from others which are not worth mentioning. Even though I looked at my in-laws as my own parents, they never treated me like their daughter. Worse, they never treated their own son well. One year after our marriage, we were thrown out of their house for trying to raise our point of view. The relationship went downhill from then on. My in-laws called up all our relations and friends and told them what a bad DIL I was. I never reacted to such allegations which angered them immensely coz they expected me to fight with them for such acts. When my parents went to invite them for their 60th year marriage ceremony, they spoke ill of me causing my mom to flare up. When my parents became involved, I became upset and for quite some time I was depressed at the turn of events in my life. Later, I realized that I cannot please everybody on this earth and I have to live up to my self-esteem. My husband got burnt on both ends-one due to his parents’ ill treating him and two ill-treating me however possible. I also realized that to make any relationship work, it needs dedicated time and efforts and from both the parties. I cannot be held responsible if my relationship with my in-laws failed because it failed not for want of efforts from my end but from lack of efforts from the other end. Sometimes, love is so difficult to find in this world.<BR/><BR/>This incident has also taught me to value my relationships with hubby and my friends more than before. I do not have kids now but later in life, when I do become a mother in-law to a girl/boy, I would take efforts to make that relationship work. I will not have “expectations” and will accept the person as he/she is. Whenever there is a difference in opinion, I would take the side of logical reasoning instead of letting my emotions speak for me. Emotions can change but logic will never change.Lavshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17754910261878461646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-57153780465828029672007-04-10T18:30:00.000+07:002007-04-10T18:30:00.000+07:00Zeya: Although in some cases there are solid reaso...Zeya: Although in some cases there are solid reasons for the mistrust and dislike, it is mostly an attitude problem.<BR/><BR/>JLT: I guess you should convince your "hubs" to handle both MIL and BIL. He can use his older brother privelege to "knock" some sense into the wayward brother and get away with it too. And you can have your peace and what you want. wink wink.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-10867474865753844182007-04-10T17:52:00.000+07:002007-04-10T17:52:00.000+07:00The comments on this post take more space than the...The comments on this post take more space than the post itself. But then, the topic is such. And I have to add mine..<BR/>We had a love-cum-arranged marriage. Hubs and I were classmates and best friends before we fell in love. My MIL who was absolutely taken with me as her son's pal couldn't digest the idea of me as her DIL. This because I am a year older than Hubs, am from a different caste and because they wanted his younger sis to get married before him.<BR/>My folks once they got to know of my IL's disinclination were totally against the relationship, at which juncture (I was 26 at the time) Hubs proposed that we'd elope. But I stood my ground saying that if we got married, we'd do it with the consent of our parents, as we were both very much attached to our respective families. But finally 4 years later, we got married with just my parents present on the occasion. This because my IL's refused to conduct the marriage before my SIl's. 6 months after our wedding, they finally came round....<BR/>I went to them with an open heart, putting all past slights and hurts behind. To be fair to them, my ILs too have put in their best, whcih can't have been easy for them. Not once have they made me remember old issues. My SIL got married a further 4 years down the line. My BIL has been staying with us (Hubs and me) for the last 6 yrs. <BR/><BR/>What has started to irritate now is that Hubs expects me to be more to his family than he himself is. I am very close to my Mom (Dad passed away 3 yrs back) and to my sis. He measures the things I do with my family and expects the same with his (which is impossible.) <BR/>And my IL's make it so very obvious that he as the elder son has a responsibiltiy towards his family. What does age matter? Does the younger son have no resp? Esp when he earns more than the elder one and has absolutely no responsibilities other than having a jolly time with his pals? I think the turning point with my MIL was when she mentioned to me that I should not chide BIL for his wayward ways myself, but let Hubs do that. Would she have said that to my SIL? I used to be very open, but ever since then, I have been locking up all my frustrations within myself. Hubs empathises with most of my irritations, but precisely because he knows it is justified, gets angry with me...Just Like Thathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04156108159461377932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-11125622564962330242007-04-10T05:10:00.000+07:002007-04-10T05:10:00.000+07:00I found your view so very true and radiant. We mus...I found your view so very true and radiant. We must be having some decades of age gap.. But I think on same line on this topic as urs. I have seen so many young gals cribbing about their MILs, while if you dig deeper, They have not done a bit of homework to adjust with their in-laws. It so very easy to take the defensive approach of distancing from in-laws.<BR/>I hv seen that in my own case. It took me while to bring my hubsnad closer to his parent in last 3 years of marriage. But what you feel in the hindsight of it, is someone somewhere does realise.."Her parents have taught her tolerance and generousity to care for toher elder people tooo.." so I guess to some extent, mothers of such DILs are also to be blamed. Who teach their daughters tricks to further distance the guy from his parents. If only we could teach our daughters lil broader vision, it would have not pinched so much..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-65310644762801893972007-03-26T13:47:00.000+07:002007-03-26T13:47:00.000+07:00"very bad idea" I sayest."very bad idea" I sayest.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-9163583849006068162007-03-26T13:41:00.000+07:002007-03-26T13:41:00.000+07:00To make life more interesting, why do each us not ...To make life more interesting, why do each us not comment on everyone else's comments? On Saturday and Sundays, we could perhaps just attack and insult everyone, to add some colour? What thou sayest?CatGunHomehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14240093725180164656noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-67926642032065431612007-03-26T13:04:00.000+07:002007-03-26T13:04:00.000+07:00Monika: Actually the equation is THAT simple thoug...Monika: Actually the equation is THAT simple though we tend to complicate it with our own prejudices and faux pas.<BR/>People are basically nice - they respond to affection and kindness in a positive way.<BR/>The MIL had to buy saris because it was the custom in the region she comes from - they give 11, 21 or whatever number of sarees. The gilr could have taken it gracefully and once she had gotten to know the MIL better she could have explained that since she doeas not wear them perhaps the MIL or SIL could have them. There is a tactful way to handle sensitive issues and there is a rude way. it is upto us to choose.<BR/>I agree it is a 2 way process but each one cannot say I will move exactly the same extent to which the other does. Sometimes you give some more and end up being the winner.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-87030142466230230222007-03-26T12:52:00.000+07:002007-03-26T12:52:00.000+07:00nicely written article, though th equation is not ...nicely written article, though th equation is not really as simple... <BR/><BR/>suppose in the case of sarees she had really accepted the sarees then what, everyone has their own way of dressing and she wouldnt have wore them then would the mil have felt better, i guess worst. Lets give it to her for atleast being honest... (though personally i agree that she could have taken and wore 1-2 of them for her satisfaction) and this thing is not just one way. I gave my mil a saree on my first karvachuath which happened to fall just before the marriage and she told me she doesnt like it and can i please give her the bill so that she can go and exchange? will this feel right and if yes than what the dil in ur story did is right too... <BR/><BR/>I am not trying to justify dil's being one myself. All i am trying to say is that quite a lot of times its the in laws also who dont seem to want the relation and as far as maintaing the relations with her own parents is concerened thats the only support she has as everything else around her is new so its abs for her to fall back on them and keep to them.... <BR/><BR/>In the end i would just say as all relations its a too way thing and both the sides have to adjust else it really wont work out.<BR/><BR/>PS: i didn't go thru all the comments so sorry if i have repeated some of the pointsMonikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02627040210376581730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-66600381749962080142007-03-25T15:29:00.000+07:002007-03-25T15:29:00.000+07:00Swati: Initially I wondered if I should interfere ...Swati: Initially I wondered if I should interfere in something so personal. Since you sounded really upset, I thought I'd share with you what I would have done in your position. I am glad your mother gave you the same advice.<BR/>I hope you are able to handle it with confidence. Honesty and open communication are always better than being unhappy. All the best. I wish you happiness always too.<BR/>Thanks.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-16959663610025463402007-03-25T15:04:00.000+07:002007-03-25T15:04:00.000+07:00Thank you dear Usha for your words,the first thing...Thank you dear Usha for your words,the first thing I did today is to read your reply.I am yet to tell my hubby about what I wrote to you,I was so disappointed yesterday and did speak to my mother(who well is also in Bangalore)she too gave me the same piece of advice.But I felt that is what my mum would have told me anyways to spare us the pain.I therefore wanted to askthe opinion of someone who will really be in neutral position,I accidently stumbled upon your blog and read through some of your previous posts.And I just had to vent.Atleast we need not feel guilty now by refusin to pay back all.<BR/>Thank you Mrs Usha,I really wish that you be happy always:)<BR/>SwatiAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-31273829439716983852007-03-25T10:23:00.000+07:002007-03-25T10:23:00.000+07:00Punku:comment #1 - wah wah, looks like you watch t...Punku:<BR/>comment #1 - wah wah, looks like you watch too many Hindi channels?<BR/><BR/>Comment #2:What a delightful prospect!Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-66410976001050356042007-03-25T10:20:00.000+07:002007-03-25T10:20:00.000+07:00Swati: Thanks for sharing your experiences and my ...Swati: Thanks for sharing your experiences and my sympathies are with you.<BR/>Sometimes we give because we want to and it does not matter what others do. It is totally with reference to what we think right and appropriate. So dont vex yourself over what you cannot change - your Brother in law's attitude. You cannot change it and this will only spoil your peace. But what you can do is to make it known how far you are willing to go and how much you can afford. While a sister's wedding is a necessary expense that a brother can happily bear, compensating for gifts received etc are not your problem. They should be handled by your parents in law or the sister who is now married.<BR/>So instead of struggling under the burden of duty which is making you unhappy, just draw the line be frank about your stand - yes, you will lose your popularity but what use is popularity and a good name when you are unhappy doing it.<BR/>It is possible that your inlaws have no idea of yor affordability - many people have a tendency to convert euros into rupees and believe a software engineer is a crorepathi - they have no idea about the taxes, the rents and the high cost of living there.<BR/><BR/>Be honest, explain that you have problems too and since your earnings is all you have to depend on ( no inheritence etc) you can only spare so much per month for them. Hopefully they will understand. if not, it is still ok, because at least you can be at peace now.You can do all this without bringing in your lazy BIL , you can only talk about your situation and leave it at that. What he does, how he deals witrh it and how they deal with him is entirely their problem. You just let them resolve it by themselves.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-64045359933327378732007-03-25T06:52:00.000+07:002007-03-25T06:52:00.000+07:00Comment #1: Jab D-i-L se M-i-le D-i-l, then Maha S...Comment #1: Jab D-i-L se M-i-le D-i-l, then Maha Sangram!<BR/><BR/>Comment #2: If the girl's father has someone like Luca Brasi working for him, then maybe he would make you an offer you would not be able to refuse (such as, either your signature agreeing to the wedding of your son with his daughter, or your brain will be on the table).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-45807492116308643672007-03-24T23:28:00.000+07:002007-03-24T23:28:00.000+07:00Dear Usha I am swati again.I would like to add som...Dear Usha I am swati again.I would like to add some more lines.My FIL has not worked his entire life,he had a lot of property from his parents and so all he did was sell it off whenever any cause arises.My hubby lived most of his life in is aunts house and they helped him with his studies and not his parents.Wasnt things like this and his siaters wedding expense all be taken care f by my inlaws or is t just bz they gave birth to 2 sons,they can sit ack and let them take the responsibity?And amon the 2 boys its my hubby th younger one who has to bear all this.Why isnt the elder one have any duty towards his parents?We ave also spent a hell lot of money last year on my FIL's surgery,eventhough my BIL,my hubbys brother is enitled to benefits of things like reimbursement due to his sheer laziness and excuses has not even bothered to apply.<BR/><BR/>For how long am I expected to be a good DIL?My husband asks me whether i am behaving good to them even after their indifference to be in my inlaws good books?<BR/><BR/>My inlaws will have no problem if we continue to give them money for all the things they need,but there is a limit to their expectations isnt it?<BR/>People back home think we lead very lavish lives in a big city.the truth is never that,we immigrants face a very challenging time emotionally.It saddens us when people lke our own parents think of us like money machines!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-23242059326344081872007-03-24T22:51:00.000+07:002007-03-24T22:51:00.000+07:00Dear Usha I am visitig your blog for the first tim...Dear Usha I am visitig your blog for the first time,came here frm Madmommas blog.I think me seeing this post of yours is God sent for me bz I am a DIL in quite a disturbing position now and needsomebody to vent to.I see you are already being bombarded with comments,could I please add mine too....I have been married to a wonderful man,my inlaws are very good to me too.My hubby has an elder brother and a sister.My husband and I live abroad,my inlaws are finacially very much dependent on us.This sometimes strains our relation with them.We people living abroad miss our family,friends and familiarity back home.We struggle to keep up with the high expense here(to add to that we live in the city rated one among the top 5 expensive places to live in too!!!)We send them money every month,but howmuchever high it is as per Indian standards they seem to never be satisfied or happy.They dont show any love what so ever.My hubby was the one who spent all the money for his sisters wedding.His elder brother is not responsible and is like a parasite,he works in a Government org,he had manyoppurtunities to go abroad but he didnt bz he is happy how he is now,he has no ambition or goal and is disliked by all my husbands relatives for his sloppy nature.He does not make how much money we make and so the whole financial burden is on us.<BR/><BR/>I have no problem in sending them monthly for their expense in India and we are continuing to do so however sour ou relation is.My problem is my hubby is the one who is very upset about the whole thing and bz it hurts him,I am hving a very bad feeling to my inlaws now.He says his parents want only his money.My husband has not got any share to he ancestral property too bz he himself said he doest need anything give it to his brother.My inlaws now want my hubby to pay back to all those who gave gifts during his sisters wedding,one of those close relatives daughter is getting married soon and that person had given a some of 30000 as gift,so now we are expected to give a little more than this.<BR/><BR/>We have aleady done more thn what any children would do to their parents.My husband is praised and quoted as an example by people who know him,reltives and friends included.<BR/><BR/>Can some parents really favour one child over the other especially when it is clear that one is nothing but a parasite.<BR/><BR/>What should we do?Can you kindly help Usha?<BR/>Regards<BR/>SwatiAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-75731609375243953562007-03-23T20:27:00.000+07:002007-03-23T20:27:00.000+07:00Veena: In fact most of thre MILs of my generation ...Veena: In fact most of thre MILs of my generation do not want to repeat the mistakes that their MILs did. The problem is about letting go of their sons. They still think that they know what is best for their sons- the DIls don't think so!<BR/><BR/>Sunitha: I agree that with very little effort men manage to walk away with a good impression from their in-laws whereas the expectations are high from the girls.<BR/><BR/>WhatdoIdo: Good to know your sister nis around to help them. No trouble at all about the offer - that is no big deal.<BR/><BR/>Orchid: Hopefully, yes, hopefully. we will know very soon!<BR/><BR/>The madmomma: I have read almost all your posts and definitely the ones about your MIL. I agree that your problems are genuine and you are making the efforts to make the best of a bad bargain although it seems to be getting little or no reaction from the other side.<BR/>I understand your reaction to her pettiness towards you but I only worry about girls coming with a pre conceived idea that MILs by definition are cruella de ville clones.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-56661498676768152812007-03-23T20:15:00.000+07:002007-03-23T20:15:00.000+07:00wow! I am coming in too late i see!!! I think most...wow! I am coming in too late i see!!! I think most of the DILs have pretty much made the same points. It's a time for cultural churn. After years of women and DILs being in the subordinate position in a wedding... So perhaps, and I would be the first to admit, the DILs are being extra nasty... no reason for that to be accepted... perhaps in a few decades that will even itself out and once the balance is achieved things will go smoother... <BR/><BR/>on my part.. I try really hard.. and I hope someday my in-laws grow to love me.. not because I am what they wanted in a girl.. but because i keep their son happy... and i also try because i believe what goes around comes around and someday i want my DIL to love me as much as i will try to love her. perhaps things would go well if both remembered that the end goal is the same.. to keep a man they both love happy. <BR/><BR/>did a post on this recently http://themadmomma.blogspot.com/2007/03/thats-way-love-goes.htmlthe mad mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14535453643548976883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-76976845077900641162007-03-21T22:38:00.000+07:002007-03-21T22:38:00.000+07:00Usha, Good post. I am mothering a son and soon (i....Usha,<BR/> Good post. I am mothering a son and soon (i.e in 25 yrs) I will be in your shoes....wonder if marriage will still be such an important social instituion then but if it is...then I would like to take your stand on the issue...however, I am a DIL now, have been for the last 7 yrs and have tried to accept when it mattered, let go when it didn't matter and more than all kept quite even when it was difficult...but none of it seems to work, why? because the effort has to be two-sided and sadly it is not in my case!<BR/>But hopefully it will be a beautiful relation in your case :)By Deepa and Supriyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07747804542943614606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-78146652846188665172007-03-21T13:23:00.000+07:002007-03-21T13:23:00.000+07:00Thanks Usha for the kind words and even more kinde...Thanks Usha for the kind words and even more kinder offer - sorry for not replying earlier. My mother is much better now. Fortunately, my sister stays in bangalore and is able to visit them frequently. I would have loved to email you personally as those words did really make a difference. Thanks once again.<BR/>SAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-54639168579126224852007-03-21T11:39:00.000+07:002007-03-21T11:39:00.000+07:00I really think the guys need to bring in the warmt...I really think the guys need to bring in the warmth of their relation with his kith & kin and slowly & steadily the girl will grow on it but to say you take care of all is simply not done. The reason the guy has a good relation with the girls family is because she arranges for her people to drop by or to drop in once in a while, to call them and hand over the phone, for a min, where all they say is 'howz everything..fine' and back but that is how you build relations. The other point is, its easy for guys to talk, all they need to do is talk sports or world cup and they are thick friends before you know, whereas girls are very very flimsy, choosy, judgemental and all that jazz about 'I dont get along', 'the vibes aren't right' etc etcSunitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07347370529459467244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-37297080193030157942007-03-20T19:32:00.000+07:002007-03-20T19:32:00.000+07:00One more bad reason for a bad relationship might b...One more bad reason for a bad relationship might be, her experience with her own MIL.. If she was tough, she compares herself with her MIL & justifies that she is sweet but still her DIL is unable to understand her feeling etc.,<BR/>Also, few things like money, other important things, need to bring the son into picture. The cleaner this area the better, it should not leave any clumpsy mark that they get a chance to start from there...<BR/>I agree its hard to manage relationships, we come from a different backgroud.. Atleast one has to accomodate or both have to give a huge space.. The latter sounds little theoritical & hence the first one looks comparitively simpler. <BR/>There is no general formulae to apply, set of them may not work well with different set of people. Each one of them are unique :-) May it be good or bad!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-81374801049911549172007-03-20T19:28:00.000+07:002007-03-20T19:28:00.000+07:00A4isms: This was exactly my question in the blog.A...A4isms: This was exactly my question in the blog.<BR/>Apparently it is. Better have no expectations. We can only be sure of what we want to be . But we cannot be sure of what we get in return. We will never be as good as their moms. we will never have the same rights. I think I will frankly ask my future DIL what her expectations from a MIL are and try to fit into the job description - If i cant meet the order, I'll decide to stay away.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.com