tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post2009775627918492192..comments2023-10-09T18:12:29.276+07:00Comments on Agelessbonding: StriUshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-12603395065824245932008-04-23T13:20:00.000+07:002008-04-23T13:20:00.000+07:00mam-mia: i have seen such girls too - ones who fee...mam-mia: i have seen such girls too - ones who feel thrilled about the possessiveness and jealousy shown by their men.<BR/>They fail to understand that this could be the first sign of trouble. I know a relationship that started like this and ended up in a divorce - the jealous husband would burn her arms with cigarette if she wore sleeveless blouses!<BR/>Thank you for the encouraging words. :)<BR/><BR/>nancy: I do hope and pray that women do not get immune to this kind of cruelty.<BR/>Will check out yours soon nancy.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-14449512256263228362008-04-13T19:45:00.000+07:002008-04-13T19:45:00.000+07:00quite agree with u. but look at it from that woman...quite agree with u. <BR/>but look at it from that womans point of view. after taking abuse for sometime she begins to condition herself that there must be a more cruel world out there & "better a known devil than an unknown one".<BR/><BR/>hi, am Nancy. was blog-hopping when i came across urs. cdnt resist presenting my viewpoint. p.s- we share the same template;-).Reflectionshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07306120391459083770noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-80926752439537453942008-04-11T17:52:00.000+07:002008-04-11T17:52:00.000+07:00it is indeed horrid to glorify salf sacrificing wo...it is indeed horrid to glorify salf sacrificing woman who gets no happiness in return!! i mean selflessness and selfishness can and should co-exist to lead a sane life! nahi?!<BR/><BR/>what i find ridiculous is women walk into such relationships knowingly! i mean you have a boyfriend who is horribly possesive! tell you what ti wear, where to go, whom to talk to and more imp NOT to! and all this in the name of love! the girl says he does all this because he loves me andw ants to protect!<BR/><BR/>i feel like shaking em up and saying its not love! he is just an insecure asshole! nothing more!<BR/><BR/>but love is indeed blind! and then you think why did their marriage fail, really??!!<BR/><BR/>abuse of any kind is unaccepatble! whoever in the relationship is dishing it out!<BR/><BR/>great post as always! (well after reading and commenting on half a dozen approx can i say always??!!)<BR/><BR/>cheers!Mama - Miahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06330103540647472728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-47144596123926388122008-04-08T18:53:00.000+07:002008-04-08T18:53:00.000+07:00Rouhana: Really it seems like a long road ahead an...Rouhana: Really it seems like a long road ahead and a lot of education and support effort.<BR/><BR/>Mystic life: This is a shocking insight. I would have believed that cheating and infidelity are strong reasons for separation in any society. And I had assumed the speedy access to legal remedy in your country should facilitate women to stand up against abuse. At least there would be furore in your country if they try to idealise this kind of behaviour - openly at least they like to be correct I guess. :)Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-82759766296599186562008-04-08T14:28:00.000+07:002008-04-08T14:28:00.000+07:00It's not only in India that they have these proble...It's not only in India that they have these problems. When I was growing up my God-father lost all of his nine businesses to alcoholism and my God-mother still stayed with him. He is now in New York, spending her money and screwing other women. <BR/>When I found out that my husband was cheating on me and I told my parents I was going to leave him, they told me they would disown me, and then they didn't talk to me for two years. I was raised with the man being the head of the house and the woman being submissive. Not all of America has such beliefs that are advertised. You just see the worst and the most modern side of it in the news. <BR/>But yes, I understand your point about them idolizing the submissive woman-- yet at the same time, they also are pumping out the trashy rap videos as well. It's a double edged sword.hijabiammahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00277357431698301667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-80629237975905714872008-04-04T20:56:00.000+07:002008-04-04T20:56:00.000+07:00here, here,...i watched a movie once, can't rememb...here, here,...i watched a movie once, can't remember the name, with a similar female character, i wanted to get up and deck the woman, "loser" is so apt, later though, i had to wander, what on earth would possess a woman to stay in an abusive relationship, worse yet to protect the asshole, it's not just cultural issues,i think what these women need is a support structure, and to truly believe, they can get the hell out, and put the slime ball behind bars. how do we change a mindset.africanfragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00493654265715063496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-66041215597428754972008-04-03T13:26:00.000+07:002008-04-03T13:26:00.000+07:00Amethyst: I agree that it is a film maker's libert...Amethyst: I agree that it is a film maker's liberty to take up any story that appeals to him and present it in a manner faithful to the original script. He doesn't need to be an agent of social change or have any altruistic motives. I guess this post was just a spontaneous outburst in response to it. I look around and see how centuries of such indoctrination still makes it tough for women to opt for divorce or boldly walk out of an abusive relationship ("What will others say?" "This will kill my parents" "This is my karma" etc). And then I watch a story that seems to glorify a woman who hovers on the fringe of suicidal delusion in her blind love for her man.<BR/>And I get angry and write a post hoping that some people who suffer in an abusive relationship will begin to question their lives.<BR/>That is all.<BR/><BR/>Stalag: Many of these women so steeped in these stereotype image of a woman's role do not believe they have a right to happiness. They blame it on their fate and carry on which is sad. They need to realise that it is possible to make a clean break and live for themselves.<BR/><BR/>2B's mommy: about men being subjected to physical abuse? :) True any way you slice it abuse is bad. I guess when men are in an abusive relationship they find it easier to opt out as the restrictions are more from within for them. Society does not stigmatise divorced men as much as divorced women right?<BR/><BR/>Diya:Loved this comment. yes so sad and yet so true.<BR/><BR/>Rajk: I WANT that LONG comment back....write it again. whoaaaaaaahhhh. <BR/>Yes Doc stated it in one line. So true isn't it?<BR/><BR/>Mahadevan: As chitra Sharan said above there may be several psychological explanations for why people endure an abusive relationship - I am beginning to suspect that one of them is that they actually enjoy it! Gives them a sense of purpose?Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-12804948969599678712008-04-03T01:21:00.000+07:002008-04-03T01:21:00.000+07:00We have the bra-burning type at one end and the do...We have the bra-burning type at one end and the doormat type, described by you now, at the other. <BR/><BR/>There is a story about Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. Once a serpent complained to Ramakrishna Paramahamsa that small boys continuously threw stones at it. Ramakrishna asked the serpent, 'why you didn't you atleast hissat them?'.<BR/><BR/>The protaganist of "Stri" should have atlesast hissed at her husband. Mahatma Gandhi advised women to use their nails, when their modesty is outraged. <BR/><BR/>At the same time, there are women, who constantly tread on the toes of their husbands and they endure it out of false sense of tolerance or chivalry.Mahadevanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08659899620865902690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-23948385407936412592008-04-01T22:22:00.000+07:002008-04-01T22:22:00.000+07:00I wrote a comment sometime back here but somehow i...I wrote a comment sometime back here but somehow it disappeared. Anyway, the dialogue via comments was great to follow<BR/>I was so surprised that such a movie was screened on Women's Day! Maybe they just went by the name "Stri".<BR/>I also wish to thank "Rambodoc" for his take on unconditional love. I've believed in "Rational Love" as he calls it, but never could quite define it so succinctly! Thanks Rambodoc, agree with you whole-heartedly!rajkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04473706252786535841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-26405884401169002632008-04-01T16:37:00.000+07:002008-04-01T16:37:00.000+07:00Usha,putting these sufferers on the pedestal has s...Usha,putting these sufferers on the pedestal has serverd the ends of a patriarchy for ages in India. This leads to the oppression of Indian women.For Indian women marriage is never optional it is like a duty and it is the duty of the father to marry her off. Marriage is a relationship of subservience for the woman. Shew is trapped 'jis ghar main doli jayeji usse arthi mein nikalna' so your fate is sealed. There are several Hindi films on these lines was watching a few scenes of one of them the other day where Rishi Kapoor is married to two women. The second wife is not aware of the first and the first one instead to chucking him accepts the second wife herself living like a servant in their home. The most remarkable thing is that when the second wife finds out about the first she commits suicide, divorce is not an option. And in this case it was an invalid marrige in any case. But still if you consider yourself to be married then ony death can part you is the signal given here! <BR/>In real life women are force to continue in an abusive relationship without any kind of support, due to these social norms. For every suicide of young women or dowry death, there are thousands who suffer quietly their parents almost force them to undergo oppression for the sake of family honour etc When the poor girl dies then they go to the media and the court alleging continuous harrasment. The system needs to be shaken up quite a bit. Women have to get support from their family...it is a mess out there and these films only worsen the situation. Women must be equipped to understand that they need stand so much and no more, they should be provided a support base to turn to otherwise we will see many more suicides and murders of young women i n this country.diyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07467285543383068855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-77578534544500449022008-04-01T10:19:00.000+07:002008-04-01T10:19:00.000+07:00Agree with 'guns'.Agree with 'guns'.Indian in NZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11775633461738007949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-21384244591161009782008-03-31T22:12:00.000+07:002008-03-31T22:12:00.000+07:00Totally agree with you .I think the same is true i...Totally agree with you .I think the same is true in either case.<BR/><BR/>To be frank one should draw a line after sometime and say this is it ,else it gets too cumbersome like cancer,sometimes it pains ,but one may need to cut the part of the body else gangrene would set in.I may sound a little harsh,but it is the realitySTALAG SUKHOIhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00863450261262836893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-37177082381978493902008-03-31T18:51:00.000+07:002008-03-31T18:51:00.000+07:00Screening it on the occasion of Women's day is pla...Screening it on the occasion of Women's day is plain stupid. <BR/><BR/>However as to the question, ‘why was the women shown in a favourable light?’ Why not? It is a work of fiction. It should probably be given only as much importance. But if we were to attribute and analyze reasons to it, why should not be due to any of the reasons given below <BR/><BR/>- The director and script writer probably wanted to cash in on the warped –pathivratha - concept which is actually not so outdated. <BR/>-By exaggerating and making a heroine of a complete loser the director wanted to evoke precisely the reaction that he got from you. He probably wanted to shock everyone into action. More on the lines of ‘don’t just sit there and take it else you would be celebrated for your worst quality’<BR/>-He just portrayed what he came across in life with a little bit of dramatization. Meaning there was no intention to jolt us from our stupor.<BR/><BR/>Oh well… by this logic you could be right as well. Just wanted to highlight that there could have been many or any reason for following a script. <BR/><BR/>AmethystAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-14465208065457474052008-03-31T17:06:00.000+07:002008-03-31T17:06:00.000+07:00Ah, I seem to have missed you these two comments -...Ah, I seem to have missed you these two comments - sorry!<BR/><BR/>filarial:Thank you.<BR/><BR/>Shefaly: We need more such bad influences methinks. :)Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-50715124493840122242008-03-31T16:30:00.000+07:002008-03-31T16:30:00.000+07:00Vivin: Ah ok, got the idea behind reference to KK ...Vivin: Ah ok, got the idea behind reference to KK - was secretly hoping she might have done something worthy of emulation. SIGH...<BR/>yes I agree films can be useful tools for stimulating thoughts on ideas that have been taken for granted which no one bothers to question. I think what got my goat was my perception that the protagonist was portrayed sympathetically almost like a hero. It might have been my perception entirely. That is why I was hoping that someone who understands telugu and is not dependent on the subtitles would throw some light on the film.<BR/>Long comments - I love them. Please feel free. <BR/>Thanks for taking the time.Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-41995581653200971872008-03-31T16:20:00.000+07:002008-03-31T16:20:00.000+07:00Hi Usha, When I was referring to Kareena Kapoor, I...Hi Usha, <BR/>When I was referring to Kareena Kapoor, I merely used her as an example of the celebrity culture that is prevalent these days, not that she or her like are worthy role models in any way.<BR/>I was reading an article that teachers here in the UK think celebrities like Vicoria Beckham and Paris Hilton are bad role models in the sense that kids are now aspiring to just be rich and famous as opposed to wanting a college degree, play sports, play music, etc. I'm not sure if its a problem in India yet, but 'celebrities' in any country seem to send conflicting messages (like you've pointed out before in your article on clothing and cleavage) about what is empowering and what is not. When the kids see them dress a certain way, act a certain way and then realize how much they are paid to do so, its hard to convince the kids(at least some of them) to then go and pick up a book instead. And in that sense alone I don't like what the likes of Kareena Kapoor, et al seem to project.<BR/>God, I just realized I sound like the 'moral police'. :)<BR/>Films like Stri on the other hand might be irritating to watch but depending on the way the subject is handled, might be a useful tool in starting a conversation in the segments of society where they are much needed. Maybe seeing their lives projected on screen, will help women realize that they are not helping themselves in any way. <BR/>Again, its a huge- 'IF it is handled correctly', otherwise I agree, that it just ends up strengthening the stereotype. Also, I think, its a reminder to us that we need too do more and its not all 'India Shining'. So there might be some hidden good in this movie after all. <BR/>Hope this made more sense. Sorry about the long comment:)<BR/>~VivinAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-24967864402383869912008-03-31T13:28:00.000+07:002008-03-31T13:28:00.000+07:00Hip grandma: Why are these stereotypes called "ena...Hip grandma: Why are these stereotypes called "enablers"? What do they enable - perpetuation of age old values and practices?<BR/>Aren't the stri types still in the majority?<BR/><BR/>Vivin: I'd like to believe that a lot more girls would want to be like kareena kapoor ( but why? is she a symbol of liberated woman? enlighten me on this.) But even in the city there are lot more who want to please their men with their lolita acts and paro behaviour.<BR/>And in rural India the traditional Bhartiya Nari mould is still very much alive.<BR/>A friend from haryana tells me how patriarchal their society still is - even among the rich and college educated.<BR/><BR/>Dipali: "We definitely need to educate women so that they do not get confused between acceptance of a person and acceptance of abuse or injustice of any kind."<BR/>How beautifully you said it what i was struggling to say in all of the post. Exactly what I meant.<BR/>Thank you!<BR/><BR/>anon/ chitra sharan: will come over sometime to pick it up. :)<BR/><BR/>Souvik: I may not care about my dark skin but why does it irritate me to see an ad which promotes a fairness cream?<BR/>it is the same kind of anger about this movie too - we have enough stupidity as it is inherited from centuries of misinterpretation and patriarchal propaganda without needing more glorification of tolerance of abuse. We have laws against abuse of women - any film that glorifies an abused woman should be banned!<BR/><BR/>Doc: Yes, you said it!Ushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00179239922869639391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-59961215022109662352008-03-31T08:24:00.000+07:002008-03-31T08:24:00.000+07:00Shefaly:Rational Love (meaning something that is r...Shefaly:<BR/>Rational Love (meaning something that is rooted in values and, hence, is sustainable over a long term between two rational partners) is never unconditional.<BR/>It is earned through values and lost by loss of the same. I appreciate Usha's thoughts on this for this reason.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-76542491088227383622008-03-29T22:08:00.000+07:002008-03-29T22:08:00.000+07:00I agree with you. What I find really interesting i...I agree with you. <BR/><BR/>What I find really interesting is the level of representation that you attribute to this movie? And that is not about you... it is general thought. What movies we think are claiming to be representative of us in ways that we are not. There are many insane movies out there, & I'm not sure how we judge these things internally & are somehow infuriated by it, & then brush of other equally rubbish stuff as just plain banana oil. <BR/><BR/>Forest Gump is the glorification of the stupid, & in the experiences of most of us perhaps, is as far removed from reality & is as skewed a representation of human life as it can get. Yet, we love it, without identifying with it. By the same token, if this story is not about the women as they are today, we - & we includes me - still seem unable to disentangle our own self as separate from the protagonist. <BR/><BR/>I wonder why that is. <BR/><BR/>You're getting better, lootenant, :)S!https://www.blogger.com/profile/16530331322257003674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-41391488831227117222008-03-29T11:46:00.000+07:002008-03-29T11:46:00.000+07:00It is Chitra Sharan - will definitely lend you the...It is Chitra Sharan - will definitely lend you the bookAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-76463646908220942192008-03-29T11:34:00.000+07:002008-03-29T11:34:00.000+07:00The patriarchy obviously had a major interest in s...The patriarchy obviously had a major interest in showing women as subservient and docile. The story of<BR/>Nalayani is particularly revolting.<BR/>I agree with you that people are not often very intelligent or informed in making their choices, particularly with regard to alcoholism. It is a sad fact that it is a disease and needs to be treated as such. So many of our underprivileged, uneducated women would be unaware of this, and they give in to the emotional blackmail and extortion that alcoholics often indulge in. ( Of course this happens across socio-economic strata, but an educated woman is more likely to have the intellectual and financial resources needed to treat this disease). I loved "Dor". Even in "Iqbal" the mother and sister were such powerful, enabling characters.<BR/>We definitely need to educate women so that they do not get confused between acceptance of a person and acceptance of abuse or injustice of any kind.dipalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01070862196307376073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-7681653076082562912008-03-29T03:08:00.000+07:002008-03-29T03:08:00.000+07:00Usha:I have not seen Dor or any of the other films...Usha:<BR/><BR/>I have not seen Dor or any of the other films you reference but this I found interesting. You said: "But if she doesn't even know it is possible (like Meera of DOR)it is important that we do something to make her see the possibilities?"<BR/><BR/>I was reminded of how in my childhood and teenage, my aunts (relatives) saw me as 'trouble' and 'bad influence' on their daughters, my female cousins. Now I am noticing it is the husbands' turn to see me as a 'bad influence' on their sati-savitri wives! :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-5194216777956270292008-03-29T02:32:00.000+07:002008-03-29T02:32:00.000+07:00You hit the head of the nail when you say- you see...You hit the head of the nail when you say- you see it all round... It is not deifying any trait or showcasing how a woman shld be-- the movie is winning international acclaim for its honesty and bringing out the cultutral india that is brushed under the carpet... a movie does not need to always be a moral lesson or show you how society should behave-- I dont see the comparison between this and lolita or paro-- who are characters of romaniticised stories..Filarialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07212250681745857473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-2847839541903465442008-03-28T23:49:00.000+07:002008-03-28T23:49:00.000+07:00Sounds like the movie got you riled up quite well....Sounds like the movie got you riled up quite well. :) <BR/>I think the message that the popular barely-dressed heroines are sending is much more harmful to our young girls and women than this Stri who seems like a very one-dimensional portayal of a woman anyway. I wonder how many young girls would actually want to be like this long-suffering woman. I'm willing to bet a lot more want to be like Kareena Kapoor. And thats a scary thought. Seriously.<BR/>~VivinAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5974677.post-6863514812013559862008-03-28T20:31:00.000+07:002008-03-28T20:31:00.000+07:00I wrote a looong comment but where did it go?To cu...I wrote a looong comment but where did it go?To cut it short - there is another name for such women-'enablers' and they cannot be wished away.our film makers love them and would never wish them away.but the real cause for concern would be if they were a majority.Remember we had our Jhansi ki Rani at a time when women gladly accepted a subdued role.Hip Grandmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16891699611146003601noreply@blogger.com