Vanaprastha* for the 21st century

My uncle lives in a community of, for and by retired people in South India where they live in private apartments and all their daily needs such as food, housekeeping, and medical care are provided by the community and charged for. He is 72 and suffers from severe hip and spine problems that force him to be confined to his bed for weeks at a time. Rest of the time he is well enough not to depend on anyone to get by. His wife is 64 and has bronchial problems. Her mother who is 94 stays with them. She is perhaps in better health than both of them except that she is weak due to her age. It is a sensible arrangement they have chosen as both their sons work and live abroad and here their days go by without having to worry about daily irritants in terms of house help and other logistics. But then there are times when they could do with some support from younger members of the family and their non-availability hits home hard.

Last month my aunt had to undergo Coronary artery by-pass surgery and she almost decided against the operation because there was no one around to help her during the post-operative phase and she was worried about leaving her mother alone without any help. Given the economic conditions and job losses, they did not want to ask their sons to take extended leave. And the sons did not insist on coming either. I am not judging them as this is perhaps just illustrative of how relationships have become secondary to employment interests. I almost wrote family ‘responsibilities’ there instead of relationships but I am no longer sure of how much responsibility the children have toward their parents. It seems that , like in the west, we have also come to believe that parents bring their children into this world so they need to accept responsibility for them while children owe nothing to their parents and so filial responsibility is probably an outdated concept.

She finally went through the surgery with help from extended family who gave her post operative care and made sure that her mother was not left alone.
While I was with my aunt she said something that made me think:
“the doctors tell me that I have got another lease of life, at least another 10 years with this operation. But tell me what do I want another ten years for?” Perhaps it is the pain that she was going through that made her say that; or perhaps she meant it because she really doesn’t think she needs another 10 years. And she is a person who is highly educated and has varied interests such as books, music and crosswords. It is not lack of interests but a sense of purposelessness that made her say this.

Improvements in health facilities have given us extra years to live but neither our social system nor our infrastructure have changed enough to help us use these extra years purposefully. Traditionally old age was a period spent in pursuit of religious activities, accumulating good Karma away from the demands of the material world. But what about those who are not interested in such pursuits? They have a choice of baby sitting their grandchildren or watching unlimited hours of soaps, cricket or news. If one is an out doors person opportunities are restricted:
In cities like Bangalore, many new residential colonies do not even have proper footpaths and it is quite unsafe for the elderly to venture out on these roads even for a walk.
Very few areas have even a tiny park for these people to meet and spend the evening.
Concerts and plays mean commuting long distances for which transport is either unavailable or unaffordable in retirement.
Even public libraries are few and far between.
Most activities for entertainment and amusement are, in any case, aimed at a wallet-share of the young with a high spending ability and willingness.
Confined for the most part within the four walls of their homes, it isn’t a surprise that they do not have much to look forward to.

These are reflective of our attitude toward old age. Maami ,in a very interesting post here calls this attitude ageism. Such attitudes have been ingrained in our collective psyche as our culture and more specifically Hinduism imposes 'borders' on the ageing process. It clearly defines the stages of one's life, and people seem to take it that they cannot do certain things at certain ages, whereas the reverse in fact is true in today's economic, globalised world: feel free to do the things you always wanted to do, and if you can afford it, enjoy the best of what is available, don't care about what the world thinks of you as long as you think it is the right thing to do.
Spend your day at a satsang by all means if that is your idea of finding meaning in life but do not judge someone else who prefers to spend a day at the mall or who likes to relax with a pedicure or a facial. Finally they are at the age when they can make informed choices without being told what is the ‘thing to do’ or the ‘way to be’. Both airlines and railways have concessions for senior citizens. People should make use of these and travel to places together if their health allows them to. Above all, they must accept responsibility of ageing on themselves, i.e. not be fatalistic, exercise regularly, be disciplined in one's dietary habits, and search/reach out for those habits that reinforce critical requirements in healthy ageing, such as socialising with similar interests-seeking peoples, joint activities/outings, charity work,. Markets will keep up with their demands once they know that their wallets are available to plunder.

‘Old’ should stop being a bad word. I heard from a friend that in Singapore, it is now quite common to see large numbers of 50+ Chinese going to bangra classes, as they have learnt that it is very good for their bones, keeps their muscles toned , and is a good way to meet other people! People in the west talk about beginning life at 40 and even get married at 50 and 60 when they find their ideal companion for their sunset years. It may be a long way before we begin to accept such ideas but I think if people could liberate themselves from thinking and feeling ‘old’ there are still many ways in which they could make their old age enjoyable. The best age-defying mechanisms come from our thoughts and not from applying creams and lotions. I do not mean to over- romanticize old age as the high point of one’s life which it certainly isn’t; but my point is just that when you know something to be inevitable you might as well be prepared to face it with grace. It just seems the smart thing to do. There is a very thin line between dying alone and living free and it is completely decided by the way you decide to look at old age.



*Vanaprastha - is the third stage in the 4 main stages of life classified in Hiduism - Brahmacharya( student), grihastha (householder) Vanaprastha (retirement from worldly attachments) and Sanyasa (renunciation)

Citizen matters

So I walk up to the polling booth bright and early this morning, eager to exercise my limbs but more importantly to exercise my sacred duty as a citizen of this country. Even though it is only 8 a.m, there are quite a few people at the polling station already. Two major parties have set up tables with voting lists and I join the crowd before one. A boy who looks about 16 takes my voter Id and looks through the list to find my name. No luck. I feel disenfranchised. He directs me to a middle aged man seated next to him with another list. Here the man tries to find my details by looking for my photo in the printout where all the pictures look alike - face shaped blobs of black toner ink. Obviously no luck there either. I openly shift alliance and move to the table of the other party only to find that they have an identical list. SIGH.... Worse, here they flip my card a few times as if they doubt its authenticity. So I snatch it back and walk back home to find it myself on the net. Should have done it yesterday.

Second time I walked passed the tables triumphantly waving the print out in their faces while they each whispered to me to vote for their candidate. Yeah right! Like I am going to vote for the guys who don't have my name even on the date of election - that one day when we are all so important to these people!
I queue up before the correct room and wait for my turn when a senior citizen comes along waving his voter ID. The policemen politely tell him to go and get a slip from one of the tables and the man protests:
'No, they are all party people. I am not going to them. It is YOUR duty to find it here in this room."
The policeman is confused for he is not aware of the rules. He looks at him pleadingly and says 'no sir, you must get the slip with your number in the list."
"What is this? Why should I? I am a valid voter and my name should be in the list. let these polling officers find it."
He seeks support from the others in the line and then he sees everyone in the line has a slip, having taken the easier way out. He walks back to a table but his protests can be heard all the way - 'never heard of this nonsense before" 'why do these people have a list?' and so on...
The polling officer comes out and tells the policeman to let him in if he came back without any questions:
"Papa vayasadavaru. avarige en problems o! life nalli baari pain nodiruthare. thade maad bedi. ulage bitu bidi"
(poor man, may be he has his problems! he must have seen a lot of pain in his life! don't stop him, let him in.")
He looks at us seeking approval for his sensitivity but we all know that he is duty-bound to let him in as the old man is right. It is their job to find us on the list however time consuming it is!

At the inking point , the lady pours a dollop of ink on my nails and I try to wipe the excess with a cloth on the table. She calls me back and pours another dollop. This time I wipe it with my other hand. The official next to her taking my signature explains that it is necessary to ensure that people do not cast votes several times.
Right, now I look like someone who forges votes! of all my career options this is perhaps the most likely!
My expression must have betrayed my thoughts so he quickly smiles and adds:
"oh no, you won't do it. but you know there are others." The last part is said in a low conspiratorial tone as if it is a big secret. I look appropriately shocked. Multiple voting? in India? never heard of it of course! And I can now clearly see how that ink has restrained people for the past 60 years from indulging in multiple voting. That vital instrument guarding our democracy - what would we do without it!

At the end of all this struggle I am finally allowed to go and touch that instrument for a second and my precious vote is cast.
So did you vote? was your voting as eventful as mine? do tell.

Of PEBIAP and Mom tag

In the past few weeks many of my blogposts have disappeared due to a condition identified as PEBIAP.
PEBIAP? Ok. you know the PEBKAC problem right? This is similar to that except the problem here, exists between Inspiration and post. It happens like this: I am in conversation with someone and right in the middle of a sentence I get the inspiration for a blog post - a potentially awesome one. Few hours later, I sit down to post it only to discover that the idea is gone without a trace. Must be the heat in Bengaluru this year - even ideas evaporate!

But I seem to be getting worse in this department even by my standards - even when people give me a tag and tell me what I have to do I end up staring at the key board. Just write a post of your own (5 things that you love about being a mom - this is the easy part; but there is a difficult part which follows:find someone to link to and tag - someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country
When Itchingtowrite, Hiphopgrandmom and Mama-mia tagged me with this, I went and checked most blogs I read and found that practically everyone has done this tag. And the few who haven't are not moms or they are dads!
So I am just going to do the easy part and tell you 5 things I love about being a mom:

1. Even as a child my son was very sensitive and mature in dealing with his peers. Other mothers somehow assumed that I had some role to play in this and praised me on how well I had brought him up. Although I had no clue what I had done and why I was getting credit for his balanced personality, I did not hesitate to accept it all with a lot of grace. (Or you could call it shamelessness. It all boils down to perspective!)

2. Watching him grow up has been like a repeat experience of all those phases for me. I had been through the phases as a girl and now I was seeing things from a boy's perspective.

3. This is one relationship where the love is totally unconditional and both parties can be totally themselves without any pretences. It is these kind of relationships that help preserve one's sanity in one's life.

4. From the time he became an adult, it has been like having a good friend to talk to about anything under the sun and get a fresh perspective on it - full of positive energy unsullied by the cynicism of my age and experience. It is like letting fresh breeze take away the cobwebs in my mind.

5.It is a wonderful feeling to be that special person in his life - someone he knows he can depend on no matter what, someone who will never judge him, someone with whom he can openly discuss his failings and failures; because he knows that whatever he is, he will still be the most wonderful son in the world for her.

'The last chance for change'*

The other day a friend asked me when I planned to change my car. He said that he would buy my Santro when I migrate to a bigger car. When I said that I was seriously considering a Reva or a Nano he gave me a look of disgust and said "why do you have such a preference for ugly cars? And don't you think you have come far enough to deserve a luxury vehicle?"
I explained how I would be quite happy NOT to use any car if only namma Bengaluru had reliable public transport and decent and safe footpaths. His immediate response was: "what do you plan to do with all your money?"
I do not have all that money he was talking about but I was rather pained to see that an educated young person was not thinking of the environmental impact of big cars at all. In fact I have known many people who dismiss ideas such as global warming as vastly exaggerated.This is what the Worldbook at NASA has to say about global warming:

Global warming is an increase in the average temperature of Earth's surface. Since the late 1800's, the global average temperature has increased about 0.7 to 1.4 degrees F (0.4 to 0.8 degrees C). Many experts estimate that the average temperature will rise an additional 2.5 to 10.4 degrees F (1.4 to 5.8 degrees C) by 2100. That rate of increase would be much larger than most past rates of increase.

Actually do we really need NASA to tell you these facts? isnt' the oppressive summer heat that we are facing right now enough testimony in itself? Don't we feel the climatic changes affect us in a tangible way?
Do you want to know what else is in store if we do not take measures to reverse it?

Continued global warming could have many damaging effects. It might harm plants and animals that live in the sea. It could also force animals and plants on land to move to new habitats. Weather patterns could change, causing flooding, drought, and an increase in damaging storms. Global warming could melt enough polar ice to raise the sea level. In certain parts of the world, human disease could spread, and crop yields could decline.

Read on more here

And please read Jane"s interview with Paul Brown author of the book: Global Warning, The Last Chance for Change
Here's an excerpt:

Some islands, like the Maldives, are going to flood anyway by the end of the century whatever they do, aren’t they?

Yes, and very possible before. I think that was one of the things that frightened me most was the inevitability of the sea level rise

Yes, we’re talking about huge civilizations flooding and where will all the dispossessed go? That is a really huge question. Perhaps in America they can all move inland but where will people who don’t have the same religious backgrounds and beliefs go? It’s just going to be awful.

Yes, people keep talking about China and India being the powerhouses of the world but if you take the effects of the glaciers melting in the Himalayas, the water supply running out and the flooding of the Deltas because of the sea level rise you’re talking millions and millions of people who have nowhere to go because the country is already so overwhelmed with population.

It is almost inevitable that millions of people are going to die.

Yes.

One of the scientists at Copenhagen, was saying he thought that unless we made drastic cuts in CO2 now we are looking at a population crash from 6 billion to 1 billion.

Please read the whole interview here and her review of his book here.

And yet we buy larger cars, instal bigger airconditioners and cut down trees indiscriminately. This last one has been going on in Bangalore for the past few years despite protests from concerned citizens.
For over four years now, Hasiru Usiru (a network of citizens, community organizations and NGOs) and concerned individuals from the wider public have proactively campaigned against irrational road-widening projects of Bruhat Bangalore Mahanagara Palike (BBMP). But the authorities have been unrelentingly and indiscriminately feeling trees for widening roads.

I have a couple of neem trees outside my house which provide good shade and the leaves are in great demand for their disinfectant and medicinal properties. But every now and then officials from BESCOM send their staff to cut down the branches as they do not want them to grow high enough to reach the electric lines. What about all those underground cables that were laid with elaborate digging up of roads? why do we still need those ugly lines and why should trees be stunted to save them?
If you live in bengaluru and if you care about trees being cut down indiscriminately, please go here and sign the petition online:
And if you want to know what you can do about global warming and climate change go here and read these articles and here.There is a lot we can do.
"We have to remember that we are not the last generation on earth.” Think of our children. They need a place to live in. And the good news is that we still seem to have some chance, albeit the last one.

* - from the title of the book by Paul brown - Global warming, the last chance for change.