ask an old bloke for directions

In the days when we had just arrived in Bangalore we had some funny experiences when we asked people for directions to some place. I already wrote about our experiences with Rao uncle who was the owner of the first house we rented:
He had an interesting way of directing you to a place:
Me: Uncle could you tell me how to get to this RNR marriage hall?
Rao: RNR or JNR?
Me : RNR.
Rao: Sure it is not JNR? Nowadays nobody uses RNR. let me check. OK, it is RNR alright. Ok. See this road? Go to the end of this road and then take a right. Don't take the left- that will take you towards National College. National college is a very famous college in Bangalore and if you go further you will go to city market. But don't take the left, take the right.You will find a police station and a road next to it. Don't turn there. If you turn there you will find the Institute of World culture. It has a very good library and they organise many useful lectures there. But don't turn there. Go further. In the next circle you will see a park on the left and a bank on the right. If you take the right you will reach NR Colony. But do not take the right. take the left.....

It was not only with Mr.Rao but we had some peculiar experiences when we stopped to ask strangers for direction. Here’s one we will never forget:
We had reached the correct street but could not spot the house. Having gone up and down the street a couple of times we were thankful to see a middle-aged man come out of his house. So we approached him hoping he would guide us to the right house. He took the slip where we had noted down the address and asked us if it was the new number or the old number. We said we had only one number. He straight away dismissed our slip as all the houses had been renumbered a few months back and had both the numbers now. We gave him the name of the person we were looking for.
He: Is he the owner or the tenant?
me: Tenant
He: Where does he work?
I give the name of the company.
He: Is he tall, about six feet and he wears glasses no?
Me ( enthusiastically) Yes, yes
He: Did he move in here recently?
Me: No this address is about a year old.
He: Does he ride a scooter?
Me: I am not very sure...
He: mmmm, I am not too sure too. I keep seeing a gentleman like this on this street and I don’t know his name so I wondered if that was your friend. Please check with that iron gaadi (presswala) he knows most people on the road.
So we went to him and gave the address. The man asked us for the name of our friend’s kids and immediately guided us to the right house.
From then on we have found that a search using the kids’ names has a higher success rate than by searching on the parents’ names.

But what was most interesting was how people asked you so many questions and finally said “exact aagi gothilla” ( dont know exactly) so check with some one else.

Another time we ended up having a lesson in geology when we approached a gentleman for directions. We had gone all the way to the end of the road and failed to find the house. On our return, somewhere in the middle of the road we met this person and asked him for directions. We told him we had gone down all the way to the end of the road and he stopped us right there.
“Did you go down the road or up the road?”
We got thoroughly confused and pointed in the direction we had gone. He was quick to correct us:
“That is up. Not down. All those houses there have a water problem because they are up and when the pressure is low they don’t get enough water.”
!!!!!
But we did not regret asking him because he guided us correctly to the place we wanted.

If you are new to Bangalore and set out to find a place with just the address in your hand you are sure to have a couple of interesting experiences. Some people will confidently send you in one direction and when you come back drawing a blank they will say : “did not find a?. Oh then may be in this direction.” and send you in the opposite direction.
Of course the authorities do not make it easy for us either. Numbering of houses in Bangalore follows a complex system and crosses and mains are hidden in a complicated maze. My neighbour’s house number is 227 but the house next to him is numbered 212 and right across the road it is 170 on one side and 145 on the other. There must be some method in all this madness but no one knows what it is. I admire the postman on duty to our colony. And I also understand the reason why I never receive some of my mails.

So we used to make these elaborate jokes about getting directed in Bangalore until I realised how serious some people can be about it all. It was around 9 p.m and I was taking a walk with the dog. She had found something interesting and had decided to explore it a bit and I had to stop. My neighbour was outside his gate talking to his neighbour. Exactly at that moment a few young men in a car stopped to ask him for directions to Gandhi Bazar. He asked them where they were coming from and they said they were retuning from a trip to Mysore. Our man began to interrogate them on how they managed to find our colony on the way from Mysore to Gandhi Bazaar. Obviously they were new to town and had lost their way. But he had to make sure. Anyway finally he got down to giving them the directions and one of them asked “ you are sure no sir?” Poor guys had probably strayed all the way to our colony with a lot of ‘exactaagi gothilla’ directions and just wanted to make sure. But my neighbour was deeply offended by this question.
“you know I have just retired last month from *&^ bank where I was head of &*^% department. You think I will misguide you?”
And then he pointed to his companion and said:
“and my friend here, he used to be the G.M in %^&* company. You think he will misguide you?”
I was dazed. I wondered if he might bring out a Bhagvad Gita and begin to take the oath on it. The boys in the car were too stunned to answer, mumbled an apology and sped off.

So next time you are unable to locate a house, do ask someone for directions and come back here and share your experience. I assure you it will be interesting if not hilarious.