Bindaas bolo

I did my post graduation in a co-education college. This was a college where there were a lot of rowdy elements and so the boys in our class and particularly those in our group generally made sure that we were escorted until we were safely inside our buses. They usually did it with great subtlety but we were not blind and at times we found this terribly annoying and male chauvinistic.We found them annoying in some other ways too. For example, we had no problem discussing "adult" subjects - we were all adults after all - or sharing "adult" jokes. And no one thought anything about it. Then one day for some activity we had to work with students from another department and some of the guys were very funny and many of the jokes were a little too dirty but they were very funny and we laughed out loud. The boys in our gang were visibly displeased and on our way to the bus`stop we got lectured on how to act with dignity. So we asked our classmates what they were upset about and then they said "good girls are not supposed to laugh at dirty jokes!" What hypocrisy? Weren't these very boys sharing such jokes with us all the time? So what was different today? Apparently it was ok to do that with your inner circle but a girl who shared such jokes with strangers was considered "loose." "We know what those boys would speak about you because we do the same about girls who don't know us and laugh at our dirty jokes!"
We were furious about this hypocrisy and we told the boys to stay away from us thereafter. They apologised the next day and things became normal although we made it clear that we were perfectly capable of "taking care" of ourselves without bodyguards and moral police.
I think this kind of hypocrisy is at the root of all moral policing societies. "How is it Ok for you to indulge in one type of behaviour and consider yourself "mature" while someone else indulging in the same is guilty of bad behaviour? Where does one draw the line?

We have all heard of or known boys who party with girls but when it comes to their marriage they want a "good girl from the village!" We know boys who are not virgins themselves but want to marry a vestal virgin. I saw a film recently where the lead man says that he wants to marry a girl who is rooted in our culture and he falls for a girl who fits the description but in all the dream song sequences he visualises her in the sexiest clothing with very bold dance movements which would shame a pop star from the west.A fine example of our hypocrisy - I wonder if this was a deliberate tongue-in-cheek technique employed by the director.

I appreciate the view that the subject of sex should be handled with subtlety and sensitivity as it can easily degenerate into realm of the crude and vulgar and this is precisely why these explicit jokes are termed "dirty". Trouble is that Sex is an essential aspect of life and we cannot pretend that "good people" do not indulge in it! I think the best way to approach the subject is to demystify it and look at it as a normal part of life - neither profane or sacred. I am sure that would get rid of much of sexual abuse and unhealthy practices which are a result of sexual repression or the taboos associated with talking normally about sex.

One reason for the increase in HIV positive people is unsafe sex and the failure to use condoms. Most people are shy to go and ask for condoms. There was a campaign called Condom Bindaas Bol campaign a few years ago to encourage people to say the word "condom". Some of their findings were outrageously funny and fine examples of how we complicate simple things with our hypocrisy:
One was that the consumer feels uncomfortable that the shopkeeper knows that he would use it that night!
This one is even better: The consumer is uncomfortable because the shopkeeper knows his wife and he wonders what the shopkeeper might imagine of when he buys a condom!

Ok so sex is bad and we are good people and we don't indulge in it. So explain this: we are the second most populous nation in the world soon on our way to the top.And we have alarming increase in HIV positive people.

It is this same kind of hypocrisy that stands in the way of introduction of sex education in schools. Children do not need to be "taught" about sex , they will learn about it when the time comes. And while we are waiting for the right time, the number of "children" who seek abortions is on the rise.According to this report

According to a study conducted by Indian Council of Medical Research, 17 per cent of the 1.4 million teenage abortions that take place every year in developing countries happen in India.
Of the approximately 2,45,000 teenage abortions that take place in India every year, 36,700 happen in the urban towns of Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata and Bangalore.
And the National Capital contributes to half of that figure.
Top abortionists in the city say, "at least" 1,500 teenage abortions take place in the Capital every month.
That's 18,000 every year!

Medical experts say that early sexual life leads to high incidence of sexually transmitted infections. One in 20 adolescent contracts this infection every year, and half of all cases of HIV/AIDS is among the youth below 25 years.
And yet we say no to sex education in schools.

Times are changing. Lifestyles have changed. Our society is no longer so insulated that it can stay safe inside our traditional norms. TV exposes our children to more open cultures where sex is accepted as a reality and very normal part of life. The internet gives them access to a lot of subjects which are taboo in our society. The more we try to keep these subjects in the domain of the "forbidden" the more children are curious to know about them and even worse "experiment".
It is time we learnt to see reality as it is and ensured that they are informed rather than experiment with equally ill- informed peers and suffer the consequences.
It is time we learnt to say words like "sex" and "condom" without inhibition. And more important , not be scandalised if our children ask to know about them. They already "know" that storks don't bring babies so tell them in a way they can understand and be safe.